Silence and Solitude;

2012-01-30T20:07:00.001+08:00

Are all my efforts and going-throughs even seen and recognised?

2012-01-29T19:12:00.002+08:00

All geared up to the success of my career!

2012-01-27T07:01:00.001+08:00

OMG LAST DAY OF INTERN!!!

Try being in my shoes;

2012-01-25T22:51:00.001+08:00

It's more than just another sorry,
It's more than just another thank you.

I know what I get never changes.
I know nothing ever changes.

I tried very hard to assure myself, by myself.

2012-01-25T21:19:00.002+08:00

When you don't know how else should you feel...please be home soon.

2012-01-24T20:15:00.001+08:00

It's always a pleasure to give more than taking - it's the art of loving.

2012-01-23T18:34:00.001+08:00

No mood to do anything at all!

2012-01-22T17:23:00.001+08:00

It's always me going through everything all by myself anyway.

2012-01-20T22:17:00.000+08:00

Faith walking on broken glass;

how to believe, assure, and convince yet again?

2012-01-20T19:52:00.005+08:00

Time and time again.

How much strength left to be positive, to hold on, to carry on?

2012-01-18T19:23:00.002+08:00

Hello world I'm so looking forward to the end of internship, come on time pass faster please.

Nightmares

2012-01-18T07:02:00.003+08:00

Actually I'm not as strong as I appear to be :(

2012-01-14T18:38:00.000+08:00

So many changes and commitments this year, sigh. Hope i will be able to survive through!

Can't wait for intern to end seriously, i'm getting so sick and tired of everything already - need a break -.-

& totally not in the mood for CNY.

2012-01-13T07:14:00.004+08:00

"If there ever comes a day when we cant be together, keep me in your heart and I'll stay there forever."

- Winnie The Pooh

2012-01-11T07:09:00.003+08:00

Ten more weekdays.

2012-01-09T21:38:00.003+08:00

Yes, I have always trusted you.

Because for us;

2012-01-06T08:45:00.001+08:00

It will take some time to heal, but we'll move on with it.

2012-01-05T06:56:00.002+08:00

Nothing more left to say; damage done.

A heart's silent cry

2012-01-02T21:46:00.001+08:00

Knowing and feeling; think again.
Saying and doing; think again.

Time and time again, how many more times? How many more chances? How many more disappointments?

So much for giving so much. So much for trying so hard. So much for going through so much.

Speechless.

In the next 365:

2012-01-01T07:59:00.002+08:00

To have the strength to be strong & hold on;
To have the willpower to control & persevere;
To have the courage to embrace & accept;
To have the passion to love & understand;

For the better, for the happier, for you.

A whole new cycle, yet again.

2011-12-31T23:46:00.002+08:00

No matter old or new, life have to go on as the year approaches.

The silent sacrifice:

2011-12-26T16:00:00.001+08:00

For all you know, all that is given expects no return but just for the sake of you.

All that is unsaid, all that is seen and felt, and everything else to go through.

Beneath the surface,

2011-12-25T00:56:00.001+08:00

Even though may seem fine, but it takes alot of strength to be strong and willpower to hold on.

Silent, night.

Silent emotion

2011-12-24T23:03:00.001+08:00

This kind of feeling...sucks.

2011-12-23T19:51:00.001+08:00

What matters is not only what is seen, but also what is unsaid.

2011-12-20T19:51:00.001+08:00

When all is going well, good and fine, you know there is someone there who is making all the efforts.

For the better, with a greater cost.

2011-12-18T18:50:00.001+08:00

When you realised that some things have changed or is different - it could be little, it could be much, it could have taken alot, it could have given alot, it could have been silent and indirect, it could have been sacrificial and willing. This is what pain does.

2011-12-17T14:06:00.000+08:00

Going out is damn sian now because of transportation:

Cab fares are increasing ridiculously, MRT is now having so much problems, buses are hopelessly slow, traffic is super crappy on the road. Maybe somebody should start inventing flying vehicles.

A truth;

2011-12-14T20:53:00.003+08:00

Knowing is one thing, feeling it is another thing.

2011-12-14T08:29:00.000+08:00

Trust is more than just believing, it is having faith in the unseen, unheard, and the untouch. The tougher the circumstance, the greater the understanding, the deeper the embracement, the more powerful and distinct the trust is. It may come in various forms - it can be weak, it can be no choice, or it can be a willingness. The greatest expression comes not only from words, but from these unsaid actions and silence.

2011-12-14T07:34:00.000+08:00

What has not been said and told, do not mean it is not there. If you knew, if you did understood, if you had realised, that everything that was went though and given - it was and is so, so doubly much.

As the norm, no words can express.

The unsaid, the unspoken - it speaks the loudest.

Think deeper.

2011-12-13T19:34:00.002+08:00

What is on the surface comes with costs to pay, to give, to go through - doubly much.

Realization is the littlest action but the biggest expression. If it always come by too late, there is no more purpose. If it have to be always told and said, there is no more value. Realization speaks more than a thousand words, even with the deepest silence.

Mixed feelings

2011-12-13T07:23:00.000+08:00

Everything that was and is unsaid, speaks the loudest.

A series of contradiction

2011-12-12T22:23:00.000+08:00

Did it sound like a pure concern or an ignorant statement?

Was it supposed to be comfort or was it a cruel reminder?

Did it appear to be an anticipation or a start of another lamentation?

Should it had felt like a rush of heart throbbing experience or a gush of overwhelming emotions?

Only because,

2011-12-11T21:03:00.003+08:00

I don't ask, I don't say, I don't tell, I don't question, I don't expect, I don't whine, I don't complain, I don't compare, I don't demand, I don't stress, I don't.

I trust you.

The irony of asking

2011-12-11T08:53:00.002+08:00

The question is, why ask?

2011-12-10T13:05:00.005+08:00

Has it gotten too numbed, or did it become too spirit crushed?

2011-12-08T20:38:00.000+08:00

Some things have to happen, some days have to arrive.

Some moments have to experience, some emotions have to go through.

Some things have to accept, some feelings have to get with.

Heartbreak, yet again.

2011-12-07T20:08:00.004+08:00

Even before the whole torment starts, I've already been stabbed doubly much just by a visual. As usual, it is not even the first time.

This painful agony...is way too deep, too much, too heartbreaking.

Why do you make me go through all these?

2011-12-07T07:05:00.002+08:00

Whatever you do and say, know my feelings.

Know me.

2011-12-06T19:31:00.003+08:00

When you come to realise, that silence will speak fourth the loudest cry and the deepest pain. This is when words can longer, and can never be ever enough anymore.

An emo piece of mind:

2011-12-05T20:10:00.005+08:00

It's funny how the littlest things matter so much when you let go of all you could possibly have. Life's simplest pleasures, they are the most valuable moments.

You try, you try really hard. But again you fall, even harder, helplessly drowned in this deep, deep, misery. Life's painful moments, they are the most vulnerable.

It's pretty sad when every sad song can relate to you, with every melody sinking right to your heart. It's even more depressing, when you know this is the kind of reality ahead.

I am a melancholic. I am boring, I only love to nua and sleep in and stone my time away. I dislike socialising, I think people are fake. I think alot, too much sometimes. It always runs wild, I'm always catching them. I am a silent speaker, I express non verbally. I am always alone, I spend time alone, I choose to be on my own, I am used to solitude. I value relationships most in my life, but on the flip side I hardly trust. I am a selfless giver, sometimes I wonder why am I so sacrificing. I am not a friendly person, I prefer quietness. I love to be loved, but it is not a wise choice to fall in love with me. I don't really know how to be happy, I only choose temporary joy. I am always compressed inside, I go through many waves of emotions silently. I fear separations, my weaknesses overwhelms me. I fear my past, those of which dominates my fragile feelings. I seek for assurances, I yearn for emotional security. Sometimes I laugh at myself, that those of what I wish for, are just relatively a one way traffic. The harsh reality woke me up, even if I escape into my dreams, the nightmares haunt me. Perhaps I am stuck in this comfortable agony, perhaps I am desperately sunk in the bottomless realm. I desire, just but only the littlest things in life, which is all that is left and, only enough.

I am actually, only very ordinary.

2011-12-04T19:39:00.002+08:00

As it seems, nobody's supportive.

2011-12-04T19:28:00.002+08:00

Ok I know this is super random, but to be honest I miss travelling, I miss Japan :( That was like, around 5 years back?

Someday when I can afford, I'll probably go travel around on my own...

2011-12-04T18:12:00.002+08:00

Do you have a brainless heart or a heartless brain?

The true self always comes from the heart. If it never changes, nothing will ever change.

Do people often use their heads too much that they overlooked what their heart wants? Well, I guess that's just reality.

I guess I have a brainless heart. What about you?

2011-12-03T20:06:00.002+08:00

The moment when you wish for just one second more...all the time.

2011-12-02T20:25:00.001+08:00

In the end, it is still just me all by myself here on my own, struggling. And forever, will be. Because the answer is always no, every moment, every day.

Another sorry, another stab.

2011-12-02T19:39:00.002+08:00

How is your heart's condition?

2011-12-01T06:58:00.003+08:00

Holidays and special occasions have no longer been something I look forward to anymore, but instead something I dread, a recurring nightmare.

Tell me what can i do.

2011-11-30T07:08:00.003+08:00

Ridiculous last minute deadlines to meet, like as if my life is not sad enough - stress everywhere, mentally physically emotionally...while others enjoying, relaxing, having a good time, sigh.

Time is passing so slow, so...torturous.

2011-11-29T20:10:00.001+08:00

I guess it only happens once in a long while...but still, thank you for your assurance.

2011-11-29T19:40:00.000+08:00

What's the use of having pretty eyes when all you see in it is sadness.

2011-11-27T19:52:00.001+08:00

I feel like...my tomorrows are going to be so different.

2011-11-27T18:53:00.000+08:00

Things are just starting to be getting really miserable.

2011-11-26T12:02:00.001+08:00

It just gets deeper, and deeper :(

2011-11-25T20:30:00.002+08:00

Today? Damn dulan.

2011-11-23T18:23:00.000+08:00

Some moments you wish they'd last forever.

Sigh.

2011-11-21T20:41:00.003+08:00

There are things that just hurt you, break you, pains you, and tear you apart. I face these all the time.

I don't know how to be a little more less selfless...I really don't.

Every moment like this is just, so bitter.

2011-11-20T20:54:00.001+08:00

What is the point when you can't even speak to someone at your vulnerable moment? In the end, I am still just being left here on my own - alone to face myself.

When time seems to pass by forever, every moment of emotional struggle deepens. This kind of pain, nobody understands.

Suppression is always on the verge, I need to constantly put up this front, just to hold back the start of a silent breakdown.

2011-11-19T21:20:00.001+08:00

I am not into relationships...anymore.

2011-11-18T19:34:00.002+08:00

Yes, I am very emo. My blog is just depressing, I know. I can't stand this gloominess either, but I guess it has become a nature in me.

I struggle with my emotions everyday. Sometimes I really don't know how to manage and go on, but yet I have to know I'm only all by myself. One day when I've stopped, I guess I'm really too tired.

This is the only place where I could release a little. It really hurts when the only person you wish to speak to can't even be there.

Don't fall for me, I'm not worth it and I don't deserve.

2011-11-16T20:08:00.001+08:00

You know how tear glands work? They are never driven by the head, only the heart.

So near yet so far.

2011-11-15T19:11:00.002+08:00

It's when you are just an sms away;

It's when you have just so much to say;

It's when your heart is so constrained and still you have no ways.

It's like things are forever just so momentary;

It's like things are just so hard and rigid;

It's like living under the same piece of sky but breathing in differently.

The tough times are just not getting anywhere better, but much, much harder.

2011-11-15T06:44:00.003+08:00

In this life I've learnt that time is valuable, time is a determinant, time matters.

2011-11-13T18:39:00.004+08:00

The rain falls because the sky can no longer handle the heaviness. Just like tears, it falls because the heart can no longer take the pain.

2011-11-13T16:47:00.002+08:00

You're seemingly out of reach, tell me how to manage this.

'Cause I can't afford to.

2011-11-12T09:40:00.000+08:00

2011-11-11T22:00:00.001+08:00

Times have changed. Things have changed. Every season that comes is a season of change.

2011-11-10T22:07:00.000+08:00

It's only going to get worse; I have to tell myself that more is to come.

2011-11-09T21:26:00.001+08:00

One of the worst feelings one could ever experienced is to be taken for granted and be neglected-and I know how it feels like. Something once so close to heart.

Today, do you know how it feels like to go through painful emotions by keep silent because nothing can be done; to suppress my own inner self and could only accept; to understand the harsh things in reality and only to live with it; to struggle to pull through every tough moment that is seemingly forever? I do.

Dear Diary,

What is there to look forward to for the rest of the year?

2011-11-08T21:30:00.000+08:00

Do you think a person who pretends to be fine is happier, or a person who has to suppress and give in is happier?

Do you think a person who acknowledges the reality and speak is easier to do, or a person who is actually experiencing and going through the process?

Do you think a person who has no choice is better off, or a person who has a choice but just cannot seem to do it?

And this is just the beginning.

2011-11-07T19:04:00.002+08:00

So dreading tmr to come...I think my workload has piled up till limitless and I'm just gonna die at work tmr, sigh. Week 9!!! I hope I can faster end this and hopefully a switch or something, 'cause its like being stressed over something you force yourself to do with is seriously only testing your own limits for nothing.

I really dislike this time of the year...it just feels so... :(

Why does it seem like we're so far away now.

2011-11-06T19:49:00.002+08:00

Every moment, every thought, every wonder, every suppression, reaches straight to through my heart.

& as each day draws nearer, I'm daunted by the awaiting period of time that is to come. I'm trying very hard...really.

2011-11-06T16:41:00.000+08:00

2011-11-05T23:58:00.001+08:00

My friends say my blog is too depressing.

Yes, i am an emo person in heart. This will never be changed.

Life is playing a joke on me by making me go through all these. God, please help me.

I can relate to almost all emotions. Reality brings me to pain, misery and agony. Love showed me hurt, insecurity and inferiority. Heart moulded me in understanding, patience, forgiveness and perseverance. Mind teaches me about sadness, scars and memories. Tears found my weakness, my fears and my lonliness and my brokenness.

At the end of the day, it is only me taking it all in, feeling the worst, getting the same thing over and over again. It's prolonged, unceasing, everlasting, and unfortunately, forever. I know i may be dumb, blind, crazy, naive, whatever. I really do not know how to help myself.

Everytime it rains, it illustrates my mood and verbalises my state of emotion.

It hurts, really.

2011-11-05T20:45:00.001+08:00

Why am i even bothered?!

2011-11-05T10:19:00.000+08:00

I think my priority list sucks, I know I'm pretty blind.

2011-11-04T21:03:00.001+08:00

Finally it's friday, this week had been bad.

Everyday's so boring now, zzz.

2011-11-03T08:24:00.001+08:00

Maybe it's better if i just stay silent, keep to myself, go through everything myself while suppressing, because at the end of the day, everything will still be as it is, isn't it.

2011-11-01T19:46:00.001+08:00

Only food and sleep makes me happy.

2011-10-30T21:11:00.001+08:00

In the end, everything is still at it is; only can be worse on its way.

2011-10-29T22:29:00.003+08:00

Sometimes people change for many reasons, sometimes people change without knowing any reasons, but sometimes...people change because of a reason.

2011-10-29T21:40:00.000+08:00

To be honest, I don't like the you that is in disguise to me. Bitter.

2011-10-29T20:27:00.001+08:00

I may be very emo and I may breakdown many times, but I am strong enough to put up a front.

2011-10-29T16:25:00.000+08:00

The day was too long, too long.

2011-10-29T14:10:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry I really can't take it anymore. This is really too weiqu. Why am I deserving and experiencing all these...why is it that all I'm giving are in exchange for all these emotional pain. This is too much for me to bear...I'm just here all alone by myself controlling and suppressing in silence. Who is there to comfort me. You have no idea what kind of state am I in right now. My heart cannot take this...I'm at the lowest peak of emotion...really.

2011-10-29T09:52:00.004+08:00

I know I can only accept, but I cannot help to feel this way.

I know I must only understand, but I could only struggle and suppress silently.

I know I said I will harden, but I fail to defeat my own weakness and vulnerability.

I know I have to control, but I had to face all the emotions alone.

I know this is all I should have known, but I just can't let go.

Again, you're going through all these.

Again, I am.

2011-10-28T20:59:00.000+08:00

What matters is you're happy.

2011-10-27T20:39:00.001+08:00

I think my job scope needs to be 24/7.

Zzzzzzz.

2011-10-27T06:50:00.003+08:00

I have to constantly remind myself that my work is never ending everyday, so no need to be so stressed (although i do have to clear everyday's work but...zzz).

2011-10-24T21:29:00.003+08:00

This week's gonna be bad. I have too much work to clear, sigh. Very very sian.

2011-10-23T22:02:00.002+08:00

So dreading the week to come, sigh.

I think I've been really nice and really strong. And continuing so...

2011-10-22T19:42:00.001+08:00

Humans are all very practical and realistic, you think so? Living by the "the present matters" mindset.

2011-10-22T01:15:00.001+08:00

Struggle, struggle, decision, rushed, hungry, hurt, upset, angry, pissed, heartbroken, head, control, control, more control, fake, even faker, suppress, suppress even more, vulnerable, totally insecure, control, weiqu, overly weiqu, starving, bloody tiring, weak, heartless, breakdown.

2011-10-20T20:14:00.001+08:00

Seriously, fml.

2011-10-18T21:08:00.002+08:00

No matter how much I dread some things, they still have to happen and will come eventually.

Sighing much, but I'm telling myself to get through it.

Life at internship is getting really busy, I am constantly trying to clear as much work as i can. Thousands of different situations I face everyday, so crappy. No joke when your assistant manager talks to you every single day man.

2011-10-17T21:13:00.003+08:00

Some things...whichever the outcome, it still feels as sucky as ever.

Some things...whatever you do, it will still be unchangeable.

Some things...no matter what, it will still be there.

It's courage when you face it.

It's humility when you embrace it.

It's understanding when you accept it.

It's love when you are willing to give and do all of it.

2011-10-16T20:30:00.001+08:00

Dear Diary,

Something from the past is seemingly back to pay a visit; it feels like i'm moving so far but going nowhere. The wave of emotions are about to haunt me yet again. Can the rest of the year pass by quicker? I guess I'm behaving too selfless. I guess I couldn't really think for myself first before others. I guess, it's my heart who is in control.

Painful, really painful - was, is, going to be, and will be.

2011-10-16T12:37:00.000+08:00

I know your struggle.
I will give in and take a step back.
I also know how much it takes.
But I will.

2011-10-15T20:21:00.002+08:00

Sigh <\3