A whole new cycle, yet again.

No matter old or new, life have to go on as the year approaches.

The silent sacrifice:

For all you know, all that is given expects no return but just for the sake of you.

All that is unsaid, all that is seen and felt, and everything else to go through.

Beneath the surface,

Even though may seem fine, but it takes alot of strength to be strong and willpower to hold on.

Silent, night.

Silent emotion

This kind of feeling...sucks.

What matters is not only what is seen, but also what is unsaid.

When all is going well, good and fine, you know there is someone there who is making all the efforts.

For the better, with a greater cost.

When you realised that some things have changed or is different - it could be little, it could be much, it could have taken alot, it could have given alot, it could have been silent and indirect, it could have been sacrificial and willing. This is what pain does.

Going out is damn sian now because of transportation:

Cab fares are increasing ridiculously, MRT is now having so much problems, buses are hopelessly slow, traffic is super crappy on the road. Maybe somebody should start inventing flying vehicles. 

A truth;

Knowing is one thing, feeling it is another thing.

Trust is more than just believing, it is having faith in the unseen, unheard, and the untouch. The tougher the circumstance, the greater the understanding, the deeper the embracement, the more powerful and distinct the trust is. It may come in various forms - it can be weak, it can be no choice, or it can be a willingness. The greatest expression comes not only from words, but from these unsaid actions and silence.

What has not been said and told, do not mean it is not there. If you knew, if you did understood, if you had realised, that everything that was went though and given - it was and is so, so doubly much.

As the norm, no words can express.

The unsaid, the unspoken - it speaks the loudest. 

Think deeper.

What is on the surface comes with costs to pay, to give, to go through - doubly much.

Realization is the littlest action but the biggest expression. If it always come by too late, there is no more purpose. If it have to be always told and said, there is no more value. Realization speaks more than a thousand words, even with the deepest silence.

Mixed feelings

Everything that was and is unsaid, speaks the loudest.

A series of contradiction

Did it sound like a pure concern or an ignorant statement?

Was it supposed to be comfort or was it a cruel reminder?

Did it appear to be an anticipation or a start of another lamentation?

Should it had felt like a rush of heart throbbing experience or a gush of overwhelming emotions?

Only because,

I don't ask, I don't say, I don't tell, I don't question, I don't expect, I don't whine, I don't complain, I don't compare, I don't demand, I don't stress, I don't.

I trust you.

The irony of asking

The question is, why ask?

Has it gotten too numbed, or did it become too spirit crushed?

Some things have to happen, some days have to arrive.

Some moments have to experience, some emotions have to go through.

Some things have to accept, some feelings have to get with.

Heartbreak, yet again.

Even before the whole torment starts, I've already been stabbed doubly much just by a visual. As usual, it is not even the first time.

This painful agony...is way too deep, too much, too heartbreaking.

Why do you make me go through all these?

Whatever you do and say, know my feelings.

Know me.

When you come to realise, that silence will speak fourth the loudest cry and the deepest pain. This is when words can longer, and can never be ever enough anymore.

An emo piece of mind:

It's funny how the littlest things matter so much when you let go of all you could possibly have. Life's simplest pleasures, they are the most valuable moments.

You try, you try really hard. But again you fall, even harder, helplessly drowned in this deep, deep, misery. Life's painful moments, they are the most vulnerable.

It's pretty sad when every sad song can relate to you, with every melody sinking right to your heart. It's even more depressing, when you know this is the kind of reality ahead.

I am a melancholic. I am boring, I only love to nua and sleep in and stone my time away. I dislike socialising, I think people are fake. I think alot, too much sometimes. It always runs wild, I'm always catching them. I am a silent speaker, I express non verbally. I am always alone, I spend time alone, I choose to be on my own, I am used to solitude. I value relationships most in my life, but on the flip side I hardly trust. I am a selfless giver, sometimes I wonder why am I so sacrificing. I am not a friendly person, I prefer quietness. I love to be loved, but it is not a wise choice to fall in love with me. I don't really know how to be happy, I only choose temporary joy. I am always compressed inside, I go through many waves of emotions silently. I fear separations, my weaknesses overwhelms me. I fear my past, those of which dominates my fragile feelings. I seek for assurances, I yearn for emotional security. Sometimes I laugh at myself, that those of what I wish for, are just relatively a one way traffic. The harsh reality woke me up, even if I escape into my dreams, the nightmares haunt me. Perhaps I am stuck in this comfortable agony, perhaps I am desperately sunk in the bottomless realm. I desire, just but only the littlest things in life, which is all that is left and, only enough.

I am actually, only very ordinary.

As it seems, nobody's supportive.

Ok I know this is super random, but to be honest I miss travelling, I miss Japan :( That was like, around 5 years back?

Someday when I can afford, I'll probably go travel around on my own...

Do you have a brainless heart or a heartless brain?

The true self always comes from the heart. If it never changes, nothing will ever change.

Do people often use their heads too much that they overlooked what their heart wants? Well, I guess that's just reality.

I guess I have a brainless heart. What about you?

The moment when you wish for just one second more...all the time.

In the end, it is still just me all by myself here on my own, struggling. And forever, will be. Because the answer is always no, every moment, every day.

Another sorry, another stab.

How is your heart's condition?

Holidays and special occasions have no longer been something I look forward to anymore, but instead something I dread, a recurring nightmare.

Tell me what can i do.