siansation!

gtt and socio paper today.

so draining.

nothing much today, tired.

and was irritated with some ppl too.

still kind of feeling...you know.

-

sianz, damn lots of work to do.

this is why it sucks when tests come in and you still have to manage projects and school work.

madness.

Try not to at all, i really don't want you to.

Promise me that you will tell me if you ever do, ok?

I'll trust you.

I trusted you for it, I took months to do it.

And you broke it, just like that.

I still could remember the place where you said you wouldn't.

It was the first and most affirming promise you made.

You said never, because of me, because for me.

You said you would were no longer engaging in it.

You almost did once, but you thought of me, so you refrained.

I appreciated it till today, I really do.

I held it so strongly, so closely, so truly deep within me.

Sometimes I doubted because of your social circle and your past.

But I chose to have faith, to believe and not be shaken in thoughts.

I never knew you would never spare a thought or think for how I would react, how I would feel.

Am I that insignificant, that unimportant?

You never did bother or care when you did it.

Did you even feel any sense of guilt or wrong at the moment?

Where I am to you, What am I to you, Who am i to you?

You seemed so fine upon knowing. Do you know how serious it is?

You don't. You just thought it was ok, it is fine because it was just one p.

You thought I would be fine with it.

You underestimated. Please don't take my understanding for granted.

I don't think that you even know how badly this is.

It just takes a sentence to make someone build trust.

You didn't even give a damn or bother to let me know or to tell me or to ask me.

Do you respect me? Like I said before, you don't really take to heart things that meant so much to me, do you?

It was never easy because I am not there.

Do you know why I needed assurance in times like these?

You don't feel pain, do you?

I don't think you even take it seriously when I talked to you.

What good is it to be like everyone else, doing it because everyone is doing so?

Is it impossible to just say no?

What significance is it to just do it for once, what is the point?

Once.

Just that once of yours broke someone's heart.

Just that once of yours hurt someone deeply.

Just that once of yours caused disappointment, anger and tears.

Just that once.

Things would probably be better if I had known with you telling.

I had to find out myself, still unaware of anything before.

What if i never knew, would you do it again, thinking that I will not know?

What if i never knew, would you just let it pass thinking that it's nothing?

You would just pretend like nothing happened, and sweep in under the carpet, would you?

If you had even removed it, would you feel guilty and bad for doing so?

Have you even considered me a part?

A part of everywhere, everything, every moment?

You have your mindset and your perspective.

But have you ever tried to be sensitive and understand mine?

I don't think so.

It was just a puff, but it turned the whole sky grey.

i guess i'm much better now, not really feeling that way already.

:)

but i'm damn tired now omgzzzzzzz.

i...

i'm really speechless.

finally having my dinner now.

no breakfast and lunch today, hungry like crap.

was home alone for the entire day...trying to study and stuffs.

dropped the idea of going out cos was not really in the mood actually.

appreciated those who tried, but i guess it's just one of those roller coaster rides.

probably gonna be staying up late tonight, since somebody's owling as well.

i guess sometimes it's better to just keep quiet by myself.

Ftw, Fml.

like who on earth knows how much problems i have recently.

suppression don't really work all the time.

there are always reasons behind some of those unlikely actions.

that was definitely not the me whom i always am, definitely not.

i am conscious of the overwhelming talking and questions.

i admit the insecurity, and i just needed to feel affiliated and assured.

this is way hell stressing, with unintended frustration, pressure and worry.

and damn the amount of study i need to do.

STUDY DAY.

don't know how to describe today.

i intended to chiong today but apparently didn't even start the engine :(

oh well, distracted i guess.

so for tmr i am so going to be a hard core mugger and studyyy.

mwhahaha no time already, tests are on monday and i'm still like...zzz.

duty was very tiring and sian...but still endured it!

so for the next two weeks i won't have duty hehehe(cos of exams).

sigh so tired now...ok gonna sleep after reading one page of gtt.

i love you the same yesterday, today, and every tomorrow.

zzz.

sian.

it's always the best to see qad :D

i'm back home feeling v chao ta!!!

the weather's frrrreaking hot!

ok i shall try to be motivated to study now.

ob gtt econs psycho socio bcs here i comeeee!

good morning world although today is a public holiday i don't feel happy at all cos i've got tons of things to study for (i think i mentioned it yesterday...)

don't know what else should i look forward to now.

&hopethingswillbewellfordad.

draining dayyy, so tired now.

although the weekend is here already but i still have duty and alot of studying to do!!!

hmm, so what can i say?

y'know sometimes...things are just...well you know.

heard from joo that my ob paper's gonna be at 5pm -.-

just two words - damn sian!!!

seriously man, what is wrong with them???

i thought my o level english paper was the first and last paper which is starting in the evening.

and now...ugh.

anyway, had lunch at seoul garden with the ladies.

had been quite some time since we all come together to have a proper meal together.

haha, but pity sansan couldn't join us...but nvm, next time :)

so that was my lunch/dinner.

and they talked about me always feeling-hungry and never-full.

aiyaaa, it's just that my appetite big at the moment mah.

cos i was eating alot of ice creams and huiping was shocked that i could still eat so much lol.

so they suggested that i should go for ice cream buffet, haha!

fattening manzxzxz.

hmmmmmmm.

next two days are so going to be tiring, sigh.

stress's building uppp.

energy level : 30% .

sometimes i think i'm a total dreamer.

sooo like one. i was literally daydreaming & thinking of stupid stuffs on the way home.

ahah if only i could make thoughts come true...it'd be soooo awesome.

had a bad morning though...yeah.

and the journey to school was annoying as well.

had bcs mock test, quite lost at first but after tutor taught i sort of understood...

proud of myself for knowing how to do the formula! hehe although i tyco one =x

lunch kinda suck cos i didn't like the taste of that sauce...

initially i was damn hungry, then end up appetite lost cos of that.

cs was !@£$%^ -.-

to think that some tutor like her could talk so much crap and nonsense and not wanting to start our individual group lesson.

the five of us were like hinting her but she just kept going and going and... -.-

and you know what?

she said "oh ya shereen...the online forum discussion ar...you put so many repeated answers..."

so i went "ya but it was some technical error. i clicked Back page a few times so became like that." then you know what did she say?

"oh...i was thinking to myself, wah this person must be so attention seeking."

LIKE WHAT? attention seeking?!??!?!?! wtf please lor! -.-

urgh, for goodness sake, nobody would want to seek attention in that stupid school forum with only formal academic discussion.

then she went like "oh i'm just kidding..."

yeah whatever -.-

so anyway, came back home and received a shocking news.

don't know what to say already la.

anddd, some people just cannot be judged by cover.

wooootz, yesterday was sooo tiring when i reached home at around 12am :(

totally just sunk into my bed and slept...but sadly only 6.5 hours of sleep.

i think im gonna make up my next monday's duty on this coming friday.

since next week is starting to be full of tests i might as well just clear it now...

life seems to be forever busy!

Unfailing & unceasing

Be it the past, the present or the future,

my love will always remain.

today was elearning again for gtt & the last elearning until the next term.

which also gave me more reasons to skip ob lecture. hahaha!

okay lah, twice only, it's fine...next week onwards want also cannot already.

compared to last sem when i am forever skipping rht lecture is counted as good liao.

but although i told myself not to skip as far as i'm concerned, but you know what?

it's worthwhileee :) much much more than getting all distinctions.

yeap ♥

gotta go for duty now...kinda sian actually.

ohhh well.

mundaneee.

okay, feeling very sleepy now.

guess by waking up once or twice through the night doesn't make sleeping goes well.

met up with some of them for breakfast at redhill.

so the day went as usual, just that i felt less alive today.

hahaha probably cos exams are drawing near and my mind's kinda off so yeah.

and i don't like the unpredictable weather lately.

either it's super warm or it's super cold -.-

ssssuckkks.

today's just one of those ineffective days.

think i didn't sleep well or something, woke up feeling very heavy-headed.

did my psycho online test then did some work and went to rest and rot.

hahaha although there're alot of studying for me to do but apparently i was too sian to do so.

quite bad la i know, but ok only for today.

cos i was having a headache so that demotivated me even more.

and even though i had been taught on 'motivation' for three subjects in the past week,

didn't motivate me much somehow. haha!

oh well.

mum's coming back from malaysia tonighttt.

wonders if she brought back anything for me, haha.

sigh, was studying a few pages of gtt just now...

tempts me to go holiday :(

then the next moment i was on the net browsing through cruises and countries

-.-

aiya forget it la, just guai guai stay in singapore will do.

cos there's qad! hehe :D

so dreading monday man, seriously.

on a second thought, although i did wanted to switch blogger to wordpress,

but now i realise i'm too lazy to do so. hahaha!

needs alot of effort lar...so, i'll just stick to blogger. haha.

maybe just change my blogskin when if ever i have the time.

long day!

OB tutorial was damn fun cos my group was talking about quizzes and i was entertaining them with my psycho quizzes.
and we were all amused by all the stuffs and crap.
hahaha luckily didn't get caught for not being serious in class.

it was raining so heavily in the afternoon when i wanted to leave sch to do my airport pass.
but luckily saw pingchong and cab there together with adeline.

most of the seniors were there anyway.
had a superbly sian and boring time there waiting and stuffs.
calvin came and i got teased once again la..always bully me -.-
but anw finally got my pass! abit happy la, like 'officially' part of the airport group...

although for one year only but still...a year of recognition also not that bad uh.

& poor panther, qad must be so pissed with the other person loh.

but well, hope qad won't be too sian about it!

finally the week is over but still, need to start studying and projecting and sch working.

sigh, sigh and more sighs.

i'm sososo tired...waiting for msg...

someone's sosososo soooo busy.

can i don't go to school today?

obviously no :(

Efforts.

irritated at the airport division people.

went there to make airport pass, but waiting time was 2 freaking hours!

and i had lecture so we couldn't do it, had to go back there again on friday.

sighhh, i really hate this kind of troublesome things.

so anyway, short but draggy day.

hated the rain cos my econs book is now so drenched :(

but i'm glad cos i finished my first part of bcs project! :)

it's sooooo sickening. need a short rest first before i continue the final phase some other time.

alot of tests are coming in so sigh, gotta do alot of studying alr.

oh, and i'm also disgusted by some desperate people.

bcs was just as boring, and i have to edit a whole lot of my bcs project.

sigh, stress.

had cs test in the afternoon.

the theory part was a goner, told us don't have theory in the end still come out zzz.

oh well, but hope i did ok for the paper.

ruby bought something for me today though, nice of her :)

very very tired uhhh.

Five things i shall do today:

1. stop thinking about how tired i am.

2. survive through bcs lesson(ughh...)

3. use all my energy and brain cells for cs test!

4. start studying and stop procrastinating!(like yesterday)

5. just be myself.

i shouldn't doubt myself, i really need more motivation.

An emo post.

it's a very grey day today.

i feel so, so sad.

i dislike myself today. totally.

i didn't want to, i just couldn't help it.

i don't deny, it was really quite ridiculous of me.

at least i'm very conscious and aware...i know.

it wasn't what i intended to be. never.

and this really impacted me alot.

maybe it is common for girls to be like that,

but i don't want to be like any of them.

even if this may just of one of the very few times,

but i don't want to even have any more times.

i want this to be the last time...i want hardly to become never.

i will try my best to, really.

previously it had always been you apologising.

for once i was the one saying it now.

i'm sorry.

thank you for taking in my nonsense.

thank you for giving in to my crap.

thank you for still responding nicely.

thank you for accepting me.

I delight in loving you.

i hate jams man...especially when i'm like rushing for time or going somewhere.

my next year resolution for sundays is to be punctual alr!

the past week had been hectic...in some way.

and here comes another week again...with more tests coming in alr.

though i've been chionging so much projs and stuffs i'm still not very motivated yet uh.

it's just like the fifth week of school and i'm already quite drained?

so sian, mountains of workload.

mum's flying off tmr morning!

wished i could go too(to escape from schoolwork), haha.

sighhh what a day.

woke up early today and had been doing school work until like now...?

lousy right, i know. so much things to do uhhhh :(

i seriously can't stand it lah, i don't know what the heck they want.

it is annoying cos you end up not knowing how to do and what to do.

and then you just start to rant and get stuck but nothing ever happens.

freaking sian.

but anw qad's nice call made me feel better :)

so anyway, i'm still doing my stupid excel project.

gonna sleep after i finish the formulas which are giving me splitting headaches.

what's the point of having tutorials when we don't even learn anything huh.

and i still have tests to study for arrrrrr.

zzz.

i think i'm going to postpone doing my socio project to next week liaooo.

I am irritated and frustrated.

Sick of all these bloody projects.

Some things that can be counted may not count,

But some things that can't be counted really counts.

econs tutorial never fail to make me -.- & laugh at the same time.

he is damn ridiculous la...i seriously feel like fainting at every cold things he says.

haha so joker one loh...and he relates every econs thing to love -_-"

school had ccn day today, also known as some fund day...

tp really don't seem like a school sometimes, hurhur.

so after school at about noon different classes set up their stalls to earn funds.

our class didn't do anything so tada, we were free after lesson ends.

went to patrol around with a few of them, supported andre's class by helping them to buy food.

but i thought it was still quite salty lehhh, melody needs more skills haha :P

so uh, walked around and i don't like it cos it was very crowded in the whole campus.

btw james bought a rose for alanna and gave it to her infront of so many ppl today.

like awwwwww. i admire his courage as a guy. really brave, haha.

went to town later on to collect back my dearest phone :)

wanted to shop but no time so dropped the idea.

had early dinner at town with the two and came home, very very tired.

and still, i have hills and mountains of school work to do!!!

sigh to the power of infinity.

1. gtt blog post

2. excel proj

3. cs test

4. ob tut & proj

5. econs tut

6. psycho test & tut

7. socio tut & movie proj

i'd be glad if i could chiong finish at least half this weekend.

super long day, zzz.

and i'm extremely tired.

sleeeeeeep!

less busy day but workload still as much.

first time going to the cable tv section in the library today.

but it's quite pathetic la, cos there are only sports channels...

no wonder guys are always seen there.

did some admin stuffs before going for lecture and that's about my wednesday.

love the cool weather. hope it rains tonight, v nice to sleep :)

omg i'm so demoralised.

i just finished two online quizzes on psycho and my results suck :(

sighhhh very chim leh.

i met qad todayyy :D ♥♥♥

was feeling v sian and moody in school today :(

just felt like sitting there and doing nothing only.

bcs was once again soooo boring, but at least today was a little better.

the lab blacked out halfway, hahaha *grins*

but apparently he still continued to teach -_-"

well at least it wasn't that bad cos we just sat there pretending to listen.

discussed about group projects then after that the power came back to had to do excel again :(

i really dread it to the max...and on top of that i still have a project to do on it.

sigh, life can't be any in campus, seriously.

the rest of the day was still o-k...spent the second half of the noon with joo and jas.

so blah blah blah, i dozed off on the bus back from tampines.

everything's so heavy la...

my body, my head, my bag, my hands and my school work!

i should really get serious this week and get all my tests done and study for my test next week and starting doing and planning my projects.

i'm dead tired now and i just want to bomb to my lovely tempting alluring bed.

i think from next month onwards i'm gonna eat some food that can boost energy...

life in singapore is hectic and busy like nobody's business uhhh.

ok goodnight.

longest sunday ever! i spent my whole day in church today manz.

apparently we didn't know that there were no morning cc,

so sigh, woke up super early and got to church super early,

then ended up no cc, so the four of us decided to go have breakfast at tanglin.

and i had two breakfasts today!!! cos at first i dapao over cos i was alr running late,

then ended up we have an "official" breakfast -_-"

but it was ok lar, we had alot to talk about...interesting stuffs happening lately. haha.

then service, brought the preteens up to the youth side and stuffs.

lunched and had work plan meeting.

wah it was very long...felt so drained after the whole thing.

and shivering also cos very cold inside there haha!

did some planning for next year...so yeah.

it feels very different when i'm like..in church, in school, at home, or with different groups of people. the feelings are all just very different. or maybe the atmosphere ba? i don't know.

but whatever the case, it's still best to be with someone whom you're totally comfortable with la...i think it's what that really determine how you actually feel in that environment.

went to fareast flora with aud after that cos she had to get something.

the flowers there are beautiful man...really beautiful...all the roses and tulips.

see already also will feel very warm at heart, haha.

anyway, so after that aud's dad gave me a lift home.

and i'm glad for that cos if not i won't know how sian will i get when i reach home.

sigh it's monday tmr again.

sian...school work dominating again.

sososo tired, i want to sleep sooooooon.

Even without words, you know in my heart that i'd always be supporting you.

You've learnt, shereen.

:)

goodnight world,

know that every night before you sleep there'd be someone thinking of you.

gosh so drained.

wonder how to survive when tests come.

i feel effective today cos i was chionging my work despite feeling very sleepy and all.

never ending things to do!

alright i've decided after a week.

i'm gonna switch to wordpress next year :)

need time and effort to move stuffs over and get used to it.

so tada.

and i'm shocked that my neice is on facebook, gasp x 100000.

she's only...9 yrs old or so? and she has a fb account -_-"

i bet she has that just to play games.

i feel like stoning my day away but sigh!

TGIF? Nah not really.

I think i had been a very hungry person this week :(

Always hungry but somehow always can't get to eat.

And i've been eating alot of vegetarian food :O

School had been really tiring and everything's rolling in!

I have online tests every week now!!! plus other many many stuffs.

& I really don't like BCS -.-

I hope next week will be better though.

Tired.

currently in school now, aloneeee somemore. *big sighs*
don't know why on earth am i the only one in class who got psycho -.-
but rk asked me to go lec with him later so ahah, at least have someone i know :)
anyway, tutorial class ended slightly earlier so now got breaktime before i go my lecture soon.
so came to library to "chill" out first....later reach home just prepare and sleep already.
(which also explains why i am blogging now.)

super long day today...though started school at eleven but still...zzz.
sociology class was amusing.
there was a guy who was presenting and he said "my friend told me due to statistics, those who are have active sex life tend to be smarter and better in studies."
then the tutor said "SO HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN MY A1s WHEN I WAS STILL A VIRGIN?!"
(everyone laughed).
then tutor continued, " in the past, students need peace to study. then later, they go to changi airport, cos they want to study in groups. then, they need ipods to accompany. so now you tell me what do students need to get As???"
the class answered, "sex!!! hahaha!"
tutor went " -_____- "
hilarious, but ok lah, the class was just teasing anyway.

sigh so tired...still have lecture at 6.
ok gtg, sian!!!

Econs day.

Shopping was good with the ladies, although it was a very short one :)

I seriously think i need to go shopping some fateful day,

cos i really need to get alot of things.

My dear phone is still under repair.

I don't like it cos it had been two weeks, ineffective people.

Hp told me I seem like those girl who is very steadfast and devoted as a lover.

so, i take that as a compliment hehe :)

& tmr's thursday...sigh, long day.

i feel very sleep deprived today, so that didn't really make my day any better.

i think not only am i dreading thursdays, i'm so not liking tuesdays either.

BCS is totally zzzz, i rather sit for a three hour lecture than to go for a three hour lab session.

i guess we probably flipped almost fifty pages of the excel textbook during the exercises.

and it's horrible. it strains the eyeeee +.+

and it's brain draininggg.

cs was not interesting either, hurhur.

san and me literally stoned our time away(with joo and lyn) after that in the library.

hahaha thinking of it we ought to be guilty lah,

cos we were supposed to go home and do the more important stuffs.

ahah oh well, shall chiong tmr then.

i think i've been eating alot of ice creams this month.

but according to psychology i don't seem to be extremely happy.

hahaha! whatever.

well i guess some things are better left unsaid.

we just take it and go with the flow.

sometimes, we never get to understand some things anyway.

friends...who says they are not complicated?

extremely tired now...back from cya duty.

but i still have work to do, how miserable can my life get.

You and only you.

So tiring.

I think i'm becoming more and more quiet at home ever since school started.

Probably due to the sian-ness or something...the don't-feel-like-talking mood.

But actually i thought i had been always like this...

which is why my parents had been saying that I'm very "reserved".

It's just me i guess...but maybe even more conscious of myself now.

Very tempted to game, arghhhh.

I am thinking of not using blogger anymore.

Instead, I think i want to use wordpress.

I just want a change or something i guess...need to "upgrade".

But i'm not sure when i want to switch over.

Should i do it now, or beginning of next year?

Should i even switch?

Still thinking about it, I can't decide :(

November's Resolutions:

I shall skip this month's resolutions 'cause basically i have nothing much to write except more and more school work.