A whole new cycle, yet again.

No matter old or new, life have to go on as the year approaches.

The silent sacrifice:

For all you know, all that is given expects no return but just for the sake of you.

All that is unsaid, all that is seen and felt, and everything else to go through.

Beneath the surface,

Even though may seem fine, but it takes alot of strength to be strong and willpower to hold on.

Silent, night.

Silent emotion

This kind of feeling...sucks.

What matters is not only what is seen, but also what is unsaid.

When all is going well, good and fine, you know there is someone there who is making all the efforts.

For the better, with a greater cost.

When you realised that some things have changed or is different - it could be little, it could be much, it could have taken alot, it could have given alot, it could have been silent and indirect, it could have been sacrificial and willing. This is what pain does.

Going out is damn sian now because of transportation:

Cab fares are increasing ridiculously, MRT is now having so much problems, buses are hopelessly slow, traffic is super crappy on the road. Maybe somebody should start inventing flying vehicles. 

A truth;

Knowing is one thing, feeling it is another thing.

Trust is more than just believing, it is having faith in the unseen, unheard, and the untouch. The tougher the circumstance, the greater the understanding, the deeper the embracement, the more powerful and distinct the trust is. It may come in various forms - it can be weak, it can be no choice, or it can be a willingness. The greatest expression comes not only from words, but from these unsaid actions and silence.

What has not been said and told, do not mean it is not there. If you knew, if you did understood, if you had realised, that everything that was went though and given - it was and is so, so doubly much.

As the norm, no words can express.

The unsaid, the unspoken - it speaks the loudest. 

Think deeper.

What is on the surface comes with costs to pay, to give, to go through - doubly much.

Realization is the littlest action but the biggest expression. If it always come by too late, there is no more purpose. If it have to be always told and said, there is no more value. Realization speaks more than a thousand words, even with the deepest silence.

Mixed feelings

Everything that was and is unsaid, speaks the loudest.

A series of contradiction

Did it sound like a pure concern or an ignorant statement?

Was it supposed to be comfort or was it a cruel reminder?

Did it appear to be an anticipation or a start of another lamentation?

Should it had felt like a rush of heart throbbing experience or a gush of overwhelming emotions?

Only because,

I don't ask, I don't say, I don't tell, I don't question, I don't expect, I don't whine, I don't complain, I don't compare, I don't demand, I don't stress, I don't.

I trust you.

The irony of asking

The question is, why ask?

Has it gotten too numbed, or did it become too spirit crushed?

Some things have to happen, some days have to arrive.

Some moments have to experience, some emotions have to go through.

Some things have to accept, some feelings have to get with.

Heartbreak, yet again.

Even before the whole torment starts, I've already been stabbed doubly much just by a visual. As usual, it is not even the first time.

This painful agony...is way too deep, too much, too heartbreaking.

Why do you make me go through all these?

Whatever you do and say, know my feelings.

Know me.

When you come to realise, that silence will speak fourth the loudest cry and the deepest pain. This is when words can longer, and can never be ever enough anymore.

An emo piece of mind:

It's funny how the littlest things matter so much when you let go of all you could possibly have. Life's simplest pleasures, they are the most valuable moments.

You try, you try really hard. But again you fall, even harder, helplessly drowned in this deep, deep, misery. Life's painful moments, they are the most vulnerable.

It's pretty sad when every sad song can relate to you, with every melody sinking right to your heart. It's even more depressing, when you know this is the kind of reality ahead.

I am a melancholic. I am boring, I only love to nua and sleep in and stone my time away. I dislike socialising, I think people are fake. I think alot, too much sometimes. It always runs wild, I'm always catching them. I am a silent speaker, I express non verbally. I am always alone, I spend time alone, I choose to be on my own, I am used to solitude. I value relationships most in my life, but on the flip side I hardly trust. I am a selfless giver, sometimes I wonder why am I so sacrificing. I am not a friendly person, I prefer quietness. I love to be loved, but it is not a wise choice to fall in love with me. I don't really know how to be happy, I only choose temporary joy. I am always compressed inside, I go through many waves of emotions silently. I fear separations, my weaknesses overwhelms me. I fear my past, those of which dominates my fragile feelings. I seek for assurances, I yearn for emotional security. Sometimes I laugh at myself, that those of what I wish for, are just relatively a one way traffic. The harsh reality woke me up, even if I escape into my dreams, the nightmares haunt me. Perhaps I am stuck in this comfortable agony, perhaps I am desperately sunk in the bottomless realm. I desire, just but only the littlest things in life, which is all that is left and, only enough.

I am actually, only very ordinary.

As it seems, nobody's supportive.

Ok I know this is super random, but to be honest I miss travelling, I miss Japan :( That was like, around 5 years back?

Someday when I can afford, I'll probably go travel around on my own...

Do you have a brainless heart or a heartless brain?

The true self always comes from the heart. If it never changes, nothing will ever change.

Do people often use their heads too much that they overlooked what their heart wants? Well, I guess that's just reality.

I guess I have a brainless heart. What about you?

The moment when you wish for just one second more...all the time.

In the end, it is still just me all by myself here on my own, struggling. And forever, will be. Because the answer is always no, every moment, every day.

Another sorry, another stab.

How is your heart's condition?

Holidays and special occasions have no longer been something I look forward to anymore, but instead something I dread, a recurring nightmare.

Tell me what can i do.

Ridiculous last minute deadlines to meet, like as if my life is not sad enough - stress everywhere, mentally physically emotionally...while others enjoying, relaxing, having a good time, sigh.

Time is passing so slow, so...torturous.

I guess it only happens once in a long while...but still, thank you for your assurance.

What's the use of having pretty eyes when all you see in it is sadness.

I feel like...my tomorrows are going to be so different.

Things are just starting to be getting really miserable.

It just gets deeper, and deeper :(

Today? Damn dulan.

Some moments you wish they'd last forever.

Sigh.

There are things that just hurt you, break you, pains you, and tear you apart. I face these all the time.

I don't know how to be a little more less selfless...I really don't.

Every moment like this is just, so bitter.

What is the point when you can't even speak to someone at your vulnerable moment? In the end, I am still just being left here on my own - alone to face myself.

When time seems to pass by forever, every moment of emotional struggle deepens. This kind of pain, nobody understands.

Suppression is always on the verge, I need to constantly put up this front, just to hold back the start of a silent breakdown.

I am not into relationships...anymore.

Yes, I am very emo. My blog is just depressing, I know. I can't stand this gloominess either, but I guess it has become a nature in me.

I struggle with my emotions everyday. Sometimes I really don't know how to manage and go on, but yet I have to know I'm only all by myself. One day when I've stopped, I guess I'm really too tired.

This is the only place where I could release a little. It really hurts when the only person you wish to speak to can't even be there.

Don't fall for me, I'm not worth it and I don't deserve.

You know how tear glands work? They are never driven by the head, only the heart.

So near yet so far.

It's when you are just an sms away;

It's when you have just so much to say;

It's when your heart is so constrained and still you have no ways.

It's like things are forever just so momentary;

It's like things are just so hard and rigid;

It's like living under the same piece of sky but breathing in differently.

The tough times are just not getting anywhere better, but much, much harder.

In this life I've learnt that time is valuable, time is a determinant, time matters.

The rain falls because the sky can no longer handle the heaviness. Just like tears, it falls because the heart can no longer take the pain.

You're seemingly out of reach, tell me how to manage this.

'Cause I can't afford to.

Times have changed. Things have changed. Every season that comes is a season of change.

It's only going to get worse; I have to tell myself that more is to come.

One of the worst feelings one could ever experienced is to be taken for granted and be neglected-and I know how it feels like. Something once so close to heart.

Today, do you know how it feels like to go through painful emotions by keep silent because nothing can be done; to suppress my own inner self and could only accept; to understand the harsh things in reality and only to live with it; to struggle to pull through every tough moment that is seemingly forever? I do.

Dear Diary,

What is there to look forward to for the rest of the year?

-

Do you think a person who pretends to be fine is happier, or a person who has to suppress and give in is happier?

Do you think a person who acknowledges the reality and speak is easier to do, or a person who is actually experiencing and going through the process?

Do you think a person who has no choice is better off, or a person who has a choice but just cannot seem to do it?

And this is just the beginning.

So dreading tmr to come...I think my workload has piled up till limitless and I'm just gonna die at work tmr, sigh. Week 9!!! I hope I can faster end this and hopefully a switch or something, 'cause its like being stressed over something you force yourself to do with is seriously only testing your own limits for nothing.

I really dislike this time of the year...it just feels so... :(

Why does it seem like we're so far away now.

Every moment, every thought, every wonder, every suppression, reaches straight to through my heart.

& as each day draws nearer, I'm daunted by the awaiting period of time that is to come. I'm trying very hard...really.

My friends say my blog is too depressing.

Yes, i am an emo person in heart. This will never be changed.

Life is playing a joke on me by making me go through all these. God, please help me.

I can relate to almost all emotions. Reality brings me to pain, misery and agony. Love showed me hurt, insecurity and inferiority. Heart moulded me in understanding, patience, forgiveness and perseverance. Mind teaches me about sadness, scars and memories. Tears found my weakness, my fears and my lonliness and my brokenness.

At the end of the day, it is only me taking it all in, feeling the worst, getting the same thing over and over again. It's prolonged, unceasing, everlasting, and unfortunately, forever. I know i may be dumb, blind, crazy, naive, whatever. I really do not know how to help myself.

Everytime it rains, it illustrates my mood and verbalises my state of emotion.

It hurts, really.

Why am i even bothered?!

I think my priority list sucks, I know I'm pretty blind.

Finally it's friday, this week had been bad.

Everyday's so boring now, zzz.

Maybe it's better if i just stay silent, keep to myself, go through everything myself while suppressing, because at the end of the day, everything will still be as it is, isn't it.

Only food and sleep makes me happy.

In the end, everything is still at it is; only can be worse on its way.

Sometimes people change for many reasons, sometimes people change without knowing any reasons, but sometimes...people change because of a reason.

To be honest, I don't like the you that is in disguise to me. Bitter.

I may be very emo and I may breakdown many times, but I am strong enough to put up a front.

The day was too long, too long.

I'm sorry I really can't take it anymore. This is really too weiqu. Why am I deserving and experiencing all these...why is it that all I'm giving are in exchange for all these emotional pain. This is too much for me to bear...I'm just here all alone by myself controlling and suppressing in silence. Who is there to comfort me. You have no idea what kind of state am I in right now. My heart cannot take this...I'm at the lowest peak of emotion...really.

I know I can only accept, but I cannot help to feel this way.

I know I must only understand, but I could only struggle and suppress silently.

I know I said I will harden, but I fail to defeat my own weakness and vulnerability.

I know I have to control, but I had to face all the emotions alone.

I know this is all I should have known, but I just can't let go.

Again, you're going through all these.

Again, I am.

What matters is you're happy.

I think my job scope needs to be 24/7.

Zzzzzzz.

I have to constantly remind myself that my work is never ending everyday, so no need to be so stressed (although i do have to clear everyday's work but...zzz).

This week's gonna be bad. I have too much work to clear, sigh. Very very sian.

So dreading the week to come, sigh.

I think I've been really nice and really strong. And continuing so...

Humans are all very practical and realistic, you think so? Living by the "the present matters" mindset.

Struggle, struggle, decision, rushed, hungry, hurt, upset, angry, pissed, heartbroken, head, control, control, more control, fake, even faker, suppress, suppress even more, vulnerable, totally insecure, control, weiqu, overly weiqu, starving, bloody tiring, weak, heartless, breakdown.

Seriously, fml.

No matter how much I dread some things, they still have to happen and will come eventually.

Sighing much, but I'm telling myself to get through it.

Life at internship is getting really busy, I am constantly trying to clear as much work as i can. Thousands of different situations I face everyday, so crappy. No joke when your assistant manager talks to you every single day man.

Some things...whichever the outcome, it still feels as sucky as ever.

Some things...whatever you do, it will still be unchangeable.

Some things...no matter what, it will still be there.

It's courage when you face it.

It's humility when you embrace it.

It's understanding when you accept it.

It's love when you are willing to give and do all of it.

Dear Diary,

Something from the past is seemingly back to pay a visit; it feels like i'm moving so far but going nowhere. The wave of emotions are about to haunt me yet again. Can the rest of the year pass by quicker? I guess I'm behaving too selfless. I guess I couldn't really think for myself first before others. I guess, it's my heart who is in control.

Painful, really painful - was, is, going to be, and will be.

I know your struggle.
I will give in and take a step back.
I also know how much it takes.
But I will.

Sigh <\3

I need some time alone.

I think...everyday I have to always rush to pack up and leave the office because there's so much work left to do & supervisor's always rushing me off and I always had to feel uneasy until the next day to continue them :\

I hope I can stop asking people in my department questions...lol...although it does make me appear to be more friendly but I still hate myself for it. The real challenge is starting.

Anyway, hate going home after work because everywhere is so annoying. Just today, some irritating people were rushing for the train and tsk me off the escalator (end up she also didn't get on the train what -.-) Then there were some very inconsiderate people who don't know how to move themselves in that sardine train and let others out. The crowd is madness. Half of the population were stuck outside the train and couldn't get on. 99% of the people inside the train couldn't move. I wonder what has public transportation done to the locals recently -.-

Gonna get my printer repaired really soon! Happy.

Today's so cui, lol. I started working officially on my own, and I think I irritated my supervisor 'cause I asked her so many questions until I also very irritated by myself =\ But it's better than I do it wrongly and kena very badly after that right? And apparently I submitted something with a small mistake to my manager as well. Luckily he was very nice to me, heh heh. But was so overwhelmed today, I believe I still have alot alot of things that I'm not sure of. But I worked so hard today, headache :(

Have you ever felt like you know too much of something until you don't know it anymore?

Had been getting really deprived nights these days, lol. But my birthday celebrations have been good so far. Two more days to go...and i think i've been eating far too much during this period. Time to cute down soon!

Happy Birthday to me ^^

Two more days to go & next week I'll be starting officially on e-reservations :O Actually this week pretty "relax" for me, just gotta use my brain because most of the time I'm just doing the project. Hehe, and I quite like it =x

The hardest part is always to move on no matter how much it takes to.

New snoopy love to my home! :)

Hello world, my mondays are passing by too slowly, which isn't a good start to my week. But nevertheless, it was counted as the "better days" already bcos supervisor isn't around so yay! A whole day working on our project with my intern kaki. Draining and extremely tiring but I'm happy enough because I don't have to do something that I don't like to, hehe. Four more days to go!

Can't wait for poly life to be over as I graduate, gonna make a big changeover hohoho.

I think I'm getting really fat. I eat non-stop everyday, even when I am working :( Very bad stuff. Either I'm too stressed or I'm too unhappy, lol.

Hello, October is here but nothing much to be happy about. I just hope another week will pass by fast and repeat this routine for 20 times, lol.

I'm so bored till I'm playing mcd's monopoly. Lol, hope i win something hahaha! :P

Sometimes I wonder, will there ever be a somebody who will always understand me.

I think I'm becoming more and more heartless, lol.

Anyway, work is really draining :(

My panda eyes are all out, feeling so lethargic ever since my week started :( Real work is officially kicking in now, our big project is out and starting to also "train" on my job scope at the reservations department. This aunty that is supposed to show me as we move along is damn funny and crude, lol. I hope I can learn fast bcos she is VERY fast and next week onwards I will be the only one handling all the emails etc, omg.

So deprived of sleep everyday :(

It is really just a tiny matter and that we should all just move on. What's with the dwelling into it again and again? Explained alr, don't believe. Worse still, keep thinking of wrong things and assume things. I don't think it was very nice to keep coming back and be skeptical about things. When you do or say something, don't forget that you were the same as well.

1. I see no point in making a big fuss out of a bloody small matter.

2. It is ridiculous to have people speaking out of heart and not head.

3. If there is no trust, NOTHING IS LEFT TO SAY.

So tell me, which part of last night was worth the friendship?

Finally another week over. Today had been very busy, me and sheena started on our very first project in relation to our reservations department, haha. Next week onwards really will get very busy everyday le :( Celebrated Cathay's 65th birthday today as well, I helped to cut the cake and distribute them -_-" Yeah, very lol. Happy that weekend is here!

I think I'm becoming more and more low profile till I don't blog much now, lol. Life's too mundane to blog about anything.

Intern's starting to get busy, I think probably next week I'll go over to the reservations dept already. Sian, the hours after noon are always passing by so slow. Just can't wait for weekends.

Everyday feels so longgg.

Anyway, forgot to mention something. Some people in life are so practical, they only look at dead things and facts to determine and choose. A very typical example: if you don't reflect well in academics, you don't appear and seem to be of much potential. Ha, what a world out there.

I don't know.

I think my life's too complicated to comprehend. But anyway, I just hope everything can be as it is now, because I don't want to step out of my comfort zone yet. Although right now is not really the optimum but I will live with it. One day things may really have to change, and one day I may really have to take a step, but whatever the future will become, I just hope that I will live it through each day.

Week 1 of internship over.

I will try my best to be positive for intern.

I had my lovely day yesterday, and today onwards is gonna be just intern and more intern life. Sianz.

I just want to focus on completing my diploma, graduate and earn a living for myself. This is my motivation in life.

2 more days to a whole new phase of life.

Tell me what is it that I've gotten over all these years.

Just the thought of it can kill, imagine experiencing it still. I wonder how did I got through the past ones. But anyway, I will live up to my words and my stand.

Some people are so ridiculous. Some people just cannot move on from the past. Some people are so childish I wonder why.

Sooo many things can happen in a day, amazing.

I'm just trying to face the reality. Because there is absolutely nothing that I don't have to accept.

I just wanted to be professional about everything and keep quiet and be myself.

I JUST WANTED TO.

I think I'm now more jialat than mugging for exams previously - only slept 3hours last night! Wowowowowow. I'm just gonna work and chiong and not think and be bothered by anything.

At least, I'll try.

Work work work work work, then start intern.

Life is just about to begin.

I think it's very true that when we change mindsets, our actions and behaviours follow accordingly as well.

HELLO FREEDOM IS HERE, YES AH :)

I think I screwed up mice paper today like shit, oh well but praying hard it'll turn out fine. EXAMS ARE OVER. Can't believe that i actually stopped mugging and sleeping at wee hours and yawning every minute of my life away recently. NO MORE EXAMS ANYMORE CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. Unless I go further studies or something lol. Man, felt like it has been a few months over the past week. Really glad to have friends company i guess, if not I don't know how to pass through the horrible season myself and face things alone.

Ok time to pig my life away now! Mwhahahaha.

Face damn cui now after so many days of sleepless nights. Until I've lost track of the times of the day. I think I will screw up the paper for today's afternoon, haha. But whatever, just waiting for paper to end today, & then it's back to reality again.

I think tonight no need to sleep already, i have SO MUCH haven't study. Most painful experience ever but also a good experience of mugging for the last time.

I guess some things will always be on my mind.

Stress leh, next three days will be all papers back to back!!! & I am not even done with 2 of them! Seriously die ttm. Never felt so certain about worrying over final exams in my last year of poly life man.

Hush hush, hush hush.

Studying still sucks as much as ever. But I think I will try to enjoy and cherish my remaining school days while I still can.

You know right, because every decision comes with a cost to bear. So it is not possible for me to carry out an action without feeling a thing. Tough struggle as well~

To me, the littlest thing like a question with love would be enough to make my day.

Studying is just crappy. This week's gonna be so siong, I hope I can survive. No time to care about heart matters and other stuffs.

I am no longer the me in the past. To think that I could really promise the words I've said and deliver it across, it shows my level of seriousness and acceptance. Every wild thought pains me and every harsh truth which I know clearly in my heart hurts. Not easy to be understanding but I am trying my best to further level up to face the reality. I have to live up to my own principles and words, and let go so that no limitations, restrictions or disruptions would exist. I only want to give the best.

A form of love.

Today, I realised that understanding and accepting meant so much more. I may not be able to ignore my thoughts or feelings, but I would control my attitude and actions.

Whatever you do, be happy. Because I, would take it in.

You know right, the feeling of just forcing yourself to indulge in studying is good in a way because it makes life much much simpler...no emotional issues, only memory issues.

I think I am starting to fear staying at home alone sometimes because it causes me to think too much and all the wild thoughts start to run :(

Alright man, first paper killed me, hahahahahahaha.

Lol I'm so tired. Actually I'm not really confident because I took only a few days to try to study a whole lot of what we need to know over six months. Hahaha, whatever man! All the best to all of us for exams!

Zombiefied! Tired to the max. So emo lah, my grades all sucked. Very very bad this time round. Sigh, oh well. Today too tired until kisiao while studying in school, hahaha.

Exam fever

Getting really sleepless nights now.

Finals exams are really too heavy content and damn crappy. Lagging really behind by alot :( I really suck in memorizing man...age does matter sometimes, sigh.

Study, study and more study. For once I feel that I have been staying in school for the longest period of time ever, hahaha.

So many things are changing.

I think time is a crucial factor.

I don't like the feeling of mugging for exams. I don't like the stress coming from exam pressures. I don't like to feel like as if I'm so lagged behind. I don't like, it seriously sucks.

Back to church today after quite some time, everything still the same I guess. Felt so sleepy and all, don't know how long am I going to be like that for *sulk* And the worst part is you're sooo tired but you can't get to sleep because so many things are on your mind -.- & when you can finally get to sleep, it's already time to wake up -.-

Changes are constant. The only scary part is when things have already changed when you realise it.

So sian to be at home alone for the whole day. Boring. I have no idea how to make myself motivated when what I am studying now is like pretty much redundant :\ But my grades are stressing me even more, sigh. Jiayou jiayou~

Again, nothing else but accept.

-

Last day of the semester today. Ha, doesn't feel much of a difference to me. Don't know if that is a good or bad thing -.- Actually I think I don't really make use of my school time wisely throughout all my three years, lol. And, I guess that's a full stop to my study-in-school life.

Thank goodness I'm finally o-k with my tummy today afternoon, though morning was still as bad. But despite that I'm still very zombie, very very tired due to sleeping at wee hours for the past two days...body gonna breakdown sooner or later sigh. Deprived of sleep, sobs.

Being heartless is still the ideal option, like what I always tell the others.

Yeah, how great can life get, especially when you have such a day like this. Lets see, I received like 10 grades in total according to individual components of coursework modules. Ahah, all sucked like nobody's business. Even my friends are afraid to tell me about my grades, amusing. Hmm what's new. Yes to be frank, it is far from my own personal expectations but the cruel truth is - accept it.

Alright, and my body decides to fail me today. One of the worst cramps I've ever suffered, I guess probably accumulated tiredness or stress. And fortunately or not, someone at work did not help me with a single thing. Oh yes, I was feeling so pathetic but I was too weak to even be pissed or annoyed. Maybe I was too good in covering up myself but trust me, I was dying inside. Sometimes I really wonder about some of the things I do. Again, the cruel truth is - accept it.

And then, you end off the day with people shouting at you. That's right, what a day. Oh not yet, there are still a pile of work to do before bed. Ciao.

Another depressing day, haha.

Screwed up ticketing test 3 totally, I didn't have enough time & I was spending time trying to figure out many things. That kinda feeling...really...sucks lor. I know my overall course grade and gpa will fall faster than gravity...but well...I'm choosing to look beyond and at the more positive side.

It's 1 more month to internship!

Reflection

Have been just randomly wondering about some things (actually the same reality stuffs), and I'm telling myself that I really have to...live with it. I clearly know there are bound to have occasions and moments when I really dread but still...I could only accept and deal with my own emotions.

Semester 1 is going to end soon...time really flies~

Going the extra mile

We all must learn from the past. Last year is also a past, yesterday is also a past, hours ago is still a past. To be honest, over the years I'm becoming less expressive already.

Control; efforts; appreciation; understanding; acceptance; - Always have been.

-

Internship is going to be the next big thing, a new commitment, sigh. Like it or not I have to pia and live in something that I don't know why am I doing for. I am proud of my course and my poly years but sad or not, that is not where I want and like to be.

I hope I won' t age so fast according to the amount of things going on in my life, lol.

Extremely, extremely tired :(

There is just something bad or sian happening everyday. In school or at work, always. I'm so sick and sian already, sigh. Too much overwhelming emotions for me everyday.

The feeling really sucks when you are not performing and stretching your potential and capabilities because you are constrained but yet you are committed to it. Very burdensome.

The amount of stress I face is a pile of mountain and a pit of bottomless. Who can really understand? How do I feel happy?

Ha, but I am trying very hard to put up a brave front everyday. Nobody really knows how I am feeling at different moments. I am laughing about everything; grades, studies, commitments, burdens, problems, whatever else.

Very tired day, and super mundane.

Woke up very early to go to school to try and figure out how to do ticketing and see how badly I'll die for monday's test. Presentation was screwed up, don't wanna talk about it anymore. Too pissed with her, too unreasonable and ridiculous. Tutorial was just shitty as well. Very rushy day also. Not a very happy day.

Sigh, how to be happy?

Hello I'm bored.

What a boring day, when people are out there celebrating national day and expressing some love for the nation; or others out there enjoying their national day breaks and stuffs, I am doing boring activities at home like trying to catch up on a whole load of school work - at the moment trying to read up the entire fifty pages of notes over the last lesson yesterday :\ Yeah, I AM stressed. Besides, I have no idea on how am I going to start studying for exams that is less than two weeks because I haven't been knowing anything. Ha???

So thankful that this is actually my last year in poly and that school semester is ending. Goodness gracious, can't imagine how to go on when I've already lost the motivation in studying. Maybe I should have chosen diploma in business management back then, if I had known I was going into the business trade three years down the road. Oh well. Just hoping that my intern days would pass by quickly and then graduation, yay.

I'm so sad, I did so badly for my mice test, sigh. Managing expectations...

When someone is good in counselling others, it doesn't mean that the person has a seemingly perfect situation in life. Admire myself for that.

Sigh, I know I'm not going to do well for my ticketing test 3 already. Bye to expectations and As. I guess grades and gpa no longer matters now.

Sometimes I don't know if I am thinking too much or is it just that I am trying to absorb the fact :\

Going to start studying for exams after wednesday!!! I have ALOT to catch up on :(

Sian, I'm falling sick :(

My goodness, the day had finally ended. I didn't had time to even breathe -.-

I think my life is so happening that every now and then there's always some provoking or emotion-triggering moments -_-"

Sigh, this week has been bad...I think next week won't be any better as well. Sometimes I think I'm just a vulnerable person trying to put up a brave front everyday...aww :(

I better start studying for my exams really soon if not I'll just die terribly. One more project and one more presentation to go...yay man can't wait for all these crap to be over. Sian, gotta go make up class tmr...sobs.

So stress, alot of things to settle and arrange because boss not around :\ Everything better be fine tmr~

Pretty sad over my project grade yesterday actually...never show out only...as per usual. I think my life is just about not showing out my emotions sometimes -.-

-

Sigh, it's amazing what love is all about.

School, sigh.

Work, sigh.

Everything else, sigh.

-

August Resolution: Love.

A new throbbing moment experienced - knowing things and facing it are the same, but yet different.

-

Hi mind, stop it.

Weekend is here again, but no rest for me as usual.

Right, so the question of the day is, who understands me?

I thought my morning was pretty fine, went to school had breakfast and all. Presentation later on was abit cui due to the interview, so abit sian. And after that the rest of the day just sucked.

Everywhere also stress. At home, at work, at school, whatever you can think of. And ridiculous incidents always happen, and more ridiculously at the wrong timing.

Blisters everywhere now, whole body is so stiff and aching and so damn deprived of sleep. What else can get worse.

Hahaha, Napfa cui!!! Really old liao, cannot run. After 3 years of no exercise, 2.4km cmi! Lol, surprised that my pull up got improve hahaha. But whatever it is, at least that lame stupid napfa test is over. Waste my time only, for the sake of attendance and whatever rules they forced us to.

Preparing to stomach pain, leg pain & whole body pain tmr after napfa test! =\

Exam timetable is out. Haha, time to get stressed and study like siaooo! But for the meantime, rushing projects and clearing presentations and test comes first -.-

Commitments at large.

There are things I don't see, things I don't hear, and things I cannot change. There are things I have to accept, things I have to go with, and things I have to understand. If I have done it before, and I am still doing it, I know I can do so always.

Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my school fees :\

Life has been really busy and tiring for me, but I guess it's worth all the time i'm inputting and using.

Some people are just so unreliable and only know to talk but no action.

-

I hope at the end of the day what I do will be worth it.

One week to napfa, UGRH.

I'm so tired and so so tired. Sometimes it's so hard because when you have constrains it obstructs you from doing what you want to. I think I'm not a good student anymore :\

There is a thin line between being concerned and overdoing it.

Sometimes I'm just so nice, I give so much.

I think I wanna stop blogging soon.

It just takes one person to make or break your day.

People out there are taking time to practise for their lab tests, what am I doing? :\

I guess I really don't look like how I am perceived to be, lol.

This pain in my back jaw is still there, sigh so worrying and sian.

I love myself for being myself, even though sometimes I can't understand myself.

Tests are coming up, especially lab tests = needs practise = die -.-

I guess I'm not really a good school/classmate sometimes.

Oh, ticketing lesson was crappy today. I hope I don't forget the things I learnt today, if not test will die until very pathetic. I think sometimes guys are better than girls in the way that they more willing to teach your peers. Grateful to the three guys who helped me today when I got restless.

So many things to do but so little time!!!

Urgh, what a day.

School work is freaking stress, but nobody really gives a shit.

Firstly we have parents talking about the same old issue over and over again. Secondly we are living in a social circle with competitive people and people who just don't bother to make an effort. Lastly for people like me who is living like some superwoman is still trying to work hard in life.

I'm so tired I could sleep all day :\

Editing is the worst thing anyone could do in a project actually. But ironically if I don't do it I will feel very uneasy so...yeah -_-"

Finally the week has ended! So so tiring for me until eyebags gave birth -.- But well, very fruitful and eventful week I guess...although there are opportunity costs involved. But anyway, I love my work and what I'm doing :)

Finished 1 project, ended off with presentation today. Lol, I thought I did well but I guess a 'group' grade is always not based on individual efforts. So I guess I could just can laugh about it. 3 more projects left and only halfway going. Sigh, school is so boring and stressful and busy.

Eyebags are appearing, oh no :( Maybe in the near future also will like that already lol.

I swear i've never "worked myself" so much before man. For sleeping beauty like me who are getting so minimum sleep is so rare, haha. I guess those days are no longer existing lol.

Hello, my middle name is panda o_o

Haven't finish mice project editing I'm not going to sleep, boohoo.

This week is really going to be madness. I am already and still going to be very lack of sleep, very busy and rushing for time against projects.

As much as I would I'm always trying to give and do the best I can.

"If you don't like the way things are like, change it. If you can't, change the way you think about it."

Not something easy!

Sometimes, nice words doesn't really mean they are good things...? Iono.

Btw, it sucks when you are trying to be nice but the other party on the stupid phone is just being so rude and unfriendly. Tsk, so uncouth. To think that they work under the education sector but still...ugh. Seriously in need of some phone etiquettes.

School has been unlike school this week for me, ha-ha. But ya, I'm still trying very hard to be a good student. Mr Tai was so funny today btw, must share with somebody someday.

July's Resolution:

Balance school life and work life!

Today was not good for me :(

Had a very frustrating and grumpy morning, 'cause it doesn't feel good to make all the efforts to be early and punctual but end up like some fool like that waiting until nobody's business. What's more I was running against time as well. Just wanted to get things done but some things always get into the way somehow, zzz. And the stupid rain didn't help much at all. Ended up I missed school...urgh waste money for nothing also. So frustrating lor.

So anyway, had to pick up my whatever emotions and move on with the day.

Indeed very tiring but I'm trying to make myself stay awake because I still have to burn midnight oil! :(

I feel so detached from school somehow, lol. Got to focus on studies also~

Headache the whole day! So pain :(

I find myself always split into two everyday, both externally and internally lol. Tired superwoman.

Napfa test coming soon, so sian. I think I'll just fail, no need to have additional burdens like this.

Starting of school isn't really a good start for me. Be it whether school starts or not, it makes entirely no difference to me because I am still very tired everyday waking up early and everything. So tired today :(

Apparently school is so stressful with all the projects stuff. Today was so bad, I couldn't see the stupid screen and I couldn't understand what she was talking about 'cause she was too fast and unclear. Then I missed out the first point, everything else after that is like a blank only. So ended up had to figure things out on my own within time limit -.- I think my friend heard me swearing, lol. And on top of that I was also trying to talk about work stuffs on my phone. So I guess today's class was a very distracting one for me because firstly I wasn't in the mood for school at all, secondly I dread ticketing lessons and lastly I was just feeling very...sian in a way. I think I will be skipping lectures this week also. So many things on mind and too many things to do.

Time to start thinking of future plans for my career already, one more year to go.

Sometimes I really admire myself so much because I don't know why am I so nice.

Back to school tmr! Super sian to the maximum. I've already almost forgotten how to do ticketing lol. & I have loads of notes to print but no ink and no paper, and lazy to go get :\

Projects are still not here not there, time to really rush them all out. The next three months gonna be mad tensed due to tests and examinations. Hope to faster finish all the projects then can focus on the modules.

Church for the whole entire morning, good job to my team for the kick-off event :) Baby Ruth came to me to carry her, so cute! Totally made my morning, haha.

I think being able to make others happy is something worth to spend time and effort for.

To love is to give in something in exchange for something that even though you may not like but at the best way out.

Chao ta today -_-"

Totally not in the mood for school to reopen looking at the amount of school work :\

2 in 1.

Everyday i'm controlling a self within a self.

Time...time to really get it through.

So many things happening until I've lost track of myself. Everything feels so crappy.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Silent tears, lonely soul.

So this was how it ended after the whole entire long day of my time, efforts, company and love.

I didn't know how it feels like to not know where to go but to roam around. I didn't know how it feels like when your needs and thoughts are not being considered of. I didn't know how it feels like to be left behind alone on the streets.

But today, I knew.

Kao, stupid report.

Self-control is an art.

So, the week has ended. Good times passes by ever so quickly. Time to get back to the usuals :\

Last week left before school starts as well, so dreadful.

Time fliesss.

Just like any other people, I am also taking a "break" this week. Working much lesser and slower with school work. Hahaha. Feels good but sadly cannot put aside forever :(

Always hungry but only have small appetite. Weird.

Projects and more projects, zzz. After tomorrow I'm going to chiong my individual report 'cause it's bugging my mind all day long :(

Honestly, I'm not very looking forward to internship. Feels like cheap labour :\

I'm in love with mushroom soup.

Listening is a skill. So many things to digest over these two days :\

Dear human,

I think you did just as well as you always do today.

From,

Heart.

Ok. I shall control even more and beyond limits no matter how tough things get. A facade is all it takes.

Sigh.

I've got accepted :) After a 3 hour interview -_-" Draggy to the max. And then I had to say so much "nice to hear things" and sell myself lol. But anyway, really good to know that I have secured a placement. No need to worry about sip anymore! Off my to-do list, awesome. Met many potential course mates there as well actually, but in any case still happy that this huge thing can be off my mind for now. Until 14 Sept!

It's really tough but I'm trying my best.

Being defensive and protective of myself is just but a way out. And perhaps the only way out.

Had a shock of my life when I was chatting with my mum when I was having dinner in the living room when a pigeon flew right into my house! Omg I was screaming like crap and I ran into the kitchen and closed the sliding door in case it flies towards me lol. My mum was happily talking to the pigeon and asking it to find its way out to the window -.- Quite a cute scene actually but I was too horrified to laugh lol. Then when it finally "found its way" out it still stayed at the edge of my windows and refused to go. Xia si ren le!

Ought to give myself a mini break before I start working on school work :)

Photoshoot was funny today but I thought it was quite a good way to save on cost since we have people who are willing to help. Haha. Anyway, dotdot was exceptionally friendly to me today! Ehehe, so adorable.

Yay, end of tests! Mid-sem break is here ^^ So happy there's no mid-sem exams, hehe. Thank god I've got the 'easier' paper today for FB test, doable! & Now it's time to chiong projects!

To numb so there's no room for emotions. It ceases the need for 'how would I feel'.

Beginning of June wasn't good, wonder how am I going to survive the whole month like that. My daoness have to surface pretty much.

The question doesn't lie with why you don't have a boyfriend, the question is with will you ever be a girlfriend.

I'm so tired lately until I don't have much mood to care about anything, hurhur. School and work and church, no time to breathe :\

Busy with life, bye~

Bad morning! Grr.

I woke up so damn early to prepare for interview and then when I got there I waited like a fool for them when finally some lady came to bring me in, I was told there was no interview today. Joke or what -.- Then she came to tell me that she freaking changed the interview date!!! & I didn't know about it!!! She thought she called me. Ugh, she THOUGHT. So there, I'm going back there again next monday -.-" Man, wasted my sleep and my time and my energy and my poor toes which are hurting from my heels. Don't know which magical number she thought she called leh -.-

So now I'm back at home, going out soon to go to school for one class, wahpiangz.

First ticketing test over, yay. That was like 30% man. Thank god I went to school earlier today to practise abit before the test, so many people were also there too. Haha, it was fine I guess :) Happy, left with one more test this week.

Interview tmr~! Kinda sian, I heard that alot of people actually applied for it also, zzz. Hope it ends early so I can be on time for class :( I'm taking it easy btw! Lol.

Last week of school to go before term break! Wanna get over all the tests and interview. Seems so near but yet so far. Mundane arrr.

Do you think it's more often for people to change or yourself?

I was so bored today at home alone T_T Feeling very nua-ish and just feel like resting my day away. But apparently I was trying to force myself to study for ticketing (and F&B which I haven't started). Thank god ticketing test is open book so I don't have to worry THAT much 'cause I think I have paid enough attention in class trying to listen to what my china teacher was trying to deliver -_-" But having said that it also means that open book test are not that easy, hmm.

Oh well, only can study hard for now. A job as a student is so pathetic, we have to work 24/7 :(

Cold calling requires much self-discipline and motivation :\

Had a rushy brushy morning, really dread travelling to school when i'm running late and stuffs. Sometimes I really wonder why on earth did I even choose TP.

But anyway, I love it when tutorials end early *grins*

So much for the week! Gonna be really busy over the weekend & I aim to finish a whole lot of stuffs in the next two days. Two more tests to go before term break!

Hello world, I've got no time to breathe.

Sometimes I feel like I make people feel threatened :\ Oh well.

-

Anyway, I've been feeling very tired and still am. Can't wait for the weekend so I can rest a little more. Nothing's new, life's the same.

Yay, I'm finally almost recovered.

I think...

To a classmate I'm a slacker,

To a group mate I'm a chiongster,

To a teacher I'm a quiet girl,

To a friend I'm a daoster,

To a closer friend I'm a busy woman,

I wonder what am I to some others...lol.

I'm trying my best not to dread ticketing now, lol. It's so draining you can't even spare that few seconds stoning or rest. Ugh, and she's going so fast and it's so xin ku to hear her speak because she is always trying to force words out, sigh.

Three tests ahead :(

& Now i know, 半功半读 not easy leh!

Screw school.

:( x 100

How often do people cherish their first chances?

Quite a normal day, nothing interesting. Getting pretty restless about the things going on.

Stressful as the week begins, so many things to do i'm going to explode. Tests are coming up and i have to prepare for interviews and chiong projects too. No need to sleep already -.-

Royal Caribbean is now closed for internship, shitz. Now I gotta think of another company to apply...sian leh.

Well anyway, I'm feeling much better now I guess. Fever's gone now, left with all the little bits here and there. So gan dong when my dad came over to my room this morning and asked how was I. Haha, he must have had a shock that morning when I just fell flat on his bed, lol.

I'm starting to get busy with projects already but here comes all the tests that we need to study for also. So many things to do. Seriously can't wait for june to come.

Had a food party with my class this evening, stupid pizza delivery sent wrong order, made me order twice which wasted so much time -.- But thank god everything still went smoothly. Kids these days are equally as stressed up I guess. Haha, what is wrong with the singapore education system man.

Hope time can pass by slower...zzz.

Throat infection and high fever is no joke man, so xin ku :(

Sigh, had to skip school...good thing nothing much today, just that feeling very out of place 'cause I missed out on project consultation as well, tsk. Chiongster like me can't afford to lose out things like that. I guess this what they call "forced rest" bah. Had been just resting the entire day and received a few calls from friends. Sian, dread eating medicine also. The antibiotics so big! o_o

Shall take the weekend to study and chiong projects. Next week busy week!

Super duper long day...like some superwoman already. Really 1001 things to do. Gotta save as much time as I can over the next week and be really productive in my works.

Today was rather fine, just that the pain I had this morning was sucky. I think I spent like my whole day with my group members, I think we've bonded quite much? Lol. Field trip after that was very boring, so like the entire day was just killing time away for school purposes but nothing effective. Hurhur.

Ugh, I hope this is the last time I'm having nightmares 'cause it sucks to wake up exceptionally early and feeling so emo-ish. Ya apparently I know it is 'just a dream' and I shouldn't think of bad stuffs but I also never think -.- Hmph, whatever.

Today had been really tiring, and i hate the weather. I should really get more rest before I fall sick but I don't think I have the chance to :( Sigh, life's so pathetic.

So shiok to sleep for 12 hours, hehe. But felt bad cos I could have used the time to do my school work and study...mmm.

Went for individual field trip with three friends. Weather was so freaking hot! We covered literally the entire marina bay area lol (except sands). Met joo's cousins...cute little boys. Made me feel very young because all my cousins are already working adults, and I know I'm also a very young aunt because I have 5 nieces/nephews in total & sadly only 2 of them my existence -_-"

Going to have to start studying for tests and chiong projects. Always a headache whether to study first or do project first...but I guess now better to do both. Chiongster all the way (Y)

I need 48 hours a day!

Parents are back from Penang! Mum bought back some weird stuff for me though -_-" Don't know to laugh or what.

So anyway, life is getting pretty busy...just kinda dreading internship interviews haha. Need to motivate myself more.

Lol, alot of people say I have the "study-face" when I told them I'm not really the "study-type". Cannot judge book by cover!!! I love to learn la, but I hate exams.

Grrr, so angry just now. So frustrated in the midst of rushing for time. No cabs, then had to take the train, then some stupid lady driver drove the wrong freaking route, wasted a hell lot of my time. And she still had the cheek to give that sheepish smile -.- I can't be bothered. I think even I know the route better than her a million times. So angry leh...how can afford to make such a careless mistake? Luckily the round back is not THAT long, can you imagine if someone is rushing to school or smth? Tsk, so unprofessional please.

I woke up tired and hungry. I went to school feeling tired and hungry. I went home feeling tired and hungry. Somehow or another I am feeling tired and hungry the entire day. Lol a pig like me feels so weak recently.

Hungry & Tired.

So many things on my mind to do...sigh hope I have enough time to study for all the tests. The problem with poly is that they always start you off with so much project work and at the same time telling you that we have class testsss -.- Miserable school life.

I was so hungry today I could eat a cow. So basically I had a very early dinner, at like 4plus? I bought two big meals back home. I feet like a pig, lol.

Life's busy with projects and reports now, so sian. School's making me very tired everyday.

So sad my beautiful slippers kena scratched by .. :(

Haha, and I have another new fetish now too! Hehe.

You know, sometimes I really don't know how to feel.

Don't know why I'm so tired...zzz.

Singapore...singapore.

My twitter was flooded with everyone's comments about the defeat of Aljunied GRC. Man, I wonder what were the Singaporeans thinking. I think George Yeo is a great man, I respect him with all my heart. Time for them to repent for 5 years!

The WP supporters are all very rowdy....even the ones at the s11 opposite my place shouted so lout, even louder than watching a soccer match or world cup -.- I think after this season alot of students would go for studies in politics, haha.

But other than that, PAP still manage to secure the rest, though votes are just a little bit higher. This better be a wake up call for them too! How interesting was this year's election...for a moment there was some sort of Singapore-involvement and identity. Lol.

"Time passes. Memories fade. Feelings change. People leave. But hearts never forget."

Projects are starting, getting busy busy. Gonna dread the weekend man...so many things to do and monday is a sian day because I have school while other people don't, zzz.

"When we are into our career, we often tend to put aside our personal life." Apel lessons are boring, teachers are just telling us the "default" approach in life and education. So sick of hearing all those stuff. Maybe because I'm just not interested bah.

I wonder who will win tmr...I hope PAP won't lose if not I'll be quite disappointed :( Mum was telling me all about the past stuffs and how irritated she got when she heard opposition supporters getting other people to vote as well. My five years of future down the road will depend on tommorrow! Lol.

This SIP thing is getting all over my mind now, because we have very kiasu people around in my course -.-" But anyway, I hope I can still get a place before someone else takes it! Am still yet to let sip comm to vet. So troublesome man, internship.

School's pretty settled and up running, time to kick-off with projects and all the craps. I am motivating myself because in one months' time would be the break! Hehe, how awesome. Although end sem would be crazy but the present is more important now, haha!

Polling Day in two days! Excited or what.

Still very tired even though I slept early last night, sigh. This always happens when school is ongoing. Believe it or not but during introduction today in class I actually said I am sick of studying already, lol. SIP Companies lists are out, headache thinking of where to intern because nothing there interests me :( But bo bian, have to do it for twenty weeks...sian.

Gosh, so tiring.

One tutorial and two lectures really can kill. School's normal, nothing interesting. Tell you a secret, I can't wait for mid sem break to arrive! :)

Half day gone when I woke up today, totally nuaness. I think I can't really do without something to do.

Just saw nicole's rally...hmm i must say she is really very bold man. This election is going to be very very competitive...one of its kind. I wonder who will singaporeans vote for, 'cause it seemed like nsp has quite a number of supporters as well. And anyway i don't think this issue would come to an end so soon even if the final results are out. Feels like some kinda revolution going on lol. Hmm....what will be the future of Singapore?

Neutralised.

Whichever way that makes you feel better - like not taking things personally. Tell yourself, "don't matter."

Service today was somewhat different...conviction caught hold of me. Sigh, that battle between the flesh and spirit. That makes humanity a torment.

Gonna finish up what I have to do for CC project really soon, 'cause I don't really want anything to clash with my school work and stuffs. Glad that I'm almost done with the 2 videos, even more glad that the main comm loved my first video :)

I'm starting on my "eat-lesser" plan now, hahaha. Hopefully I don't feel fat soon!

Another day of rest tmr before reality resumes.

May's Resolutions:

1. Do well for school work

2. Eat lesser

3. Finish my part for cc project

4. Start on projects

I still think this is better :)

This is reality.

Anyway, was just thinking about what he told me again. Haha, that was so epic. To be honest, I have only 1 serious crush on someone before when I was 17. Crushes are totally not the thing for me man. But whatever it is, I think he guessed that way due to some crappy reasons. Ha, I'm like already so normal until the optimum already please. Don't like people who say things like that actually...but whatever, I'm not bothered le, bleh.

Gonna use the weekend to do as much school work as possible. Sometimes it's just better not to care so much, being more work-minded and head-driven. Byebye!

Apel lesson is just lame man. Week 1 of school is like no school like that lol.

I must say, it's quite a pity when misunderstandings happen. And it just sucks when people think otherwise of you. Oh well.

So many changes today also...hmm shall settle down to school mode soon!

Long day at work, I feel like I've not really started to go back school actually haha. But well, this is like the last "course-day" for me alr I guess.

So tired ah. Dreading the stupid pre sip launch talk tmr night in school -.-

Sua!

Hate this hypocritical environment. Once not enough, now come again. In the first place don't promise if you can't assure it. Empty words only, you think very nice is it? -.-

But whatever, not like as if i can't do without. It's just bobian must go according to the rules. Doesn't matter what or who comes my way anymore, just have to get through it eventually.

Selfish people are just not worth your time and energy.

Nothing different.

So last night, my back tooth was hurting(I suspect it's the wisdom tooth), so I kinda freaked out 'cause I hate the dentist, I hate plucking out my teeth and whatever else that is related. So I was feeling very sian over it during dinner. But the pain was gone today, I hope it doesn't ever come back again.

Managed to read some of the projects for this sem and the individual assessments. Very "year 3" haha, madness luh totally. Gonna be a very busy and stressful time I guess.

Fred's cat is so nua and fluffy, haha so amusing to see his angry face.

Yes, finally back to my own lovely bed! Haven't been sleeping that well I guess.

School just started and I'm not really settled down yet. But I'm gonna be a chiongster this sem! No need to care how others look at me as long as work is done lol.

First day of Year 3.

I think I'm more tired than anyone else. Physically and mentally.

My first day of school was like a joke man, seriously. Cannot describe any better. I think my class are with all the very studious and hardworking people (like me lol :P) Just that the guys are abit more cheeky, that's all. But doesn't matter 'cause anyway I'm not really gonna "make friends" or anything of that sort.

First I had a time of listening to my tutor who had a cheena slang. Then had a lecturer who is so amusing and with her malaysian accent. My ears had a tiring day man. Don't know why some people are excited about school, or rather the start of school. Nothing interesting to me leh.

Poly life is simply hypocritical, in every way. I've come to encounter too many times of the selfishness of people and its related stuffs. People depend on what they see only- sight-driven. Oh well, I won't speak about it too much here. Anyway I'm not really affected, more of just disgusted with how things are appearing to be.

It may not be a very smooth-sailing semester (not being pessimistic, just being not too-overconfident), but I guess we just have to get over with it. Last year already so could just better off with it as soon as possible. I'm fine with what I'm doing. I don't need to "belong" as long as I'm happy. Perhaps it was because of the scarred past but I guess I just don't wanna commit to any form of "expectations" from the social network.

Week 1 is awesome, I have 3 days off the week! Haha!

Yawn, feeling very tired. Had been having this headache for the whole day; I think it's either due to not enough sleep or too-cold environment :( But nevertheless still had an eventful day. Had breakfast with HJ, I feel so paiseh sometimes 'cause I eat so slow, ahhh. Travelled around town to find a gift after church with a few of them (long journey) but finally found something :)

School is starting tomorrow!!! Sian to the max. Totally not excited at all. I think I might get doubly tired than usual...hmm but it's fine I guess, i am nu qiang ren lol.

Rotted my weekend away.

I'm going to lose weight when school starts. I think over the holidays I have been eating quite alot lol. I feel fat lehhhhh.

Anyway, random but I feel that big sized people are usually quite funny. Whether is it amusingly funny, irritably funny or naturally funny. They're mostly just funny, haha.

Still feeling the blues over the starting of school though, boohoo. I think I've never felt excited about school before, lol. Oh, primary school have.

Timetable was out yesterday, I think it is still not that bad as compared to all the timetables I had so far. So technically speaking year 3 is not that jialat I assume? Haha.

Met up with the two ladies last night for dinner, I think I sounded pessimistic to them. Haha! Nawwww, not pessimistic, it's called moving on and tired of it :) No point.

Hiii, I love myself so much for being sucha hardworking soul last night in finishing up mountain works! Hehe. Although I was feeling kinda zombieish today but still proud of myself.

My dad couldn't understand what I was trying to say today until the point I just decided to speak canto instead. Then they started laughing at me over and over -.- Not funny right. So anyway, my parents were still trying to console me over the fact that I wasn't happy about my mum's friends coming to singapore for a holiday and gonna stay in my room. Yeah I am selfish about such things but too bad lor, I am possessive over my stuffs. I tell you, if they gonna complain or whatever, then they are better off alone man. I don't like rich people who are stucked up.

I love it when it rains and I can snuggle in bed :D

One of those days I dread.

I guess it's better sometimes to harden feelings like I used to, and maybe not so heart-driven.

Oh well, my day was just draining, tiring and what not. I'm too sian to think and care about anything already.

Classes are out, and I have no freaking friend whom I really know so I guess it's another semester of no life AGAIN, just like sem 2.1. This time I'm not gonna try to make the effort 'cause I've lost that faith and trust. I'm always the one taking initiatives and making the efforts. Always. I'm tired of investing into something which I ended up feeling cheated of. Really.

Maybe I'm not easy to understand...but i think...might as well understand others instead.

Heavy eyes :(

Time to prepare for school once again, sian.

Too much chicken today, must stop chickening already!

I went back to CC3 today to do videoing with the p2 class. Saw the teachers there and they were glad to see me! Haha, so much for working with them for the last year, very heartwarming to be "back" there again. Saw a p4 playing the drums in children's church also, so impressed! So anyway, filming with the p2 wasn't complete due to shortage of time but I'll just try to work with what I have bah.

Last week left to go before year 3 starts! Time flies.

Mad day of rushing everywhere.

Home > Bishan > Funan > Sunshine > Bishan > Church > Serangoon > Home.

So tired by now.

Lesson was fine, but I thought it could be better. Maybe too long didn't teach alr, hahaha.

No time to blog! Byebye!

Stony and sian. Wait and wait and wait was my day.

Had a haircut, feels different now although it looks about the same. Actually I don't like haircuts, it makes me feels very edgy sometimes but no choice :( And my hairdresser kena scolded by a customer because of me, sigh feels so bad.

Someone idiotic made me rushed my lunch but in the end put airplane -.- Grr, no sense of responsibility one such adults.

Someone mean kept bullying and teasing me also! Urgh -.-

Long day tmr too, I hope it doesn't rain!

As much as I can I'll try not to dread internship coming in August. & Faster get over with life in school! Lol...nobody really cares about you in poly one, like seriously.

-

Tired everyday! Actually sometimes I think I very no life and very boring. But whatever lah, I love it. At least I do meaningful and purposeful stuffs. I think I totally don't belong to the youth circle, lol. I don't really do what youths normally and commonly would do...I don't look for boyfriends, I don't hang out late and go drink and club, I don't go watch movies with friends all the time and do shopping, I don't go to the ktv lounge to sing anymore after sec, I don't engage myself in sports, I don't go after the media crazily- in fact I don't even know what's up with all the artists and celebrities, I don't know man...lol.

-

Feel like eating ice creams.

Bad dreams start your day in a not so nice manner and affects your morning :(

-

Feel like eating cakes!!!

Can't imagine when school starts and I'm gonna be so distant from work T_T

Glad that I managed to finish most of the stuffs that I was supposed to do...like church related stuffs. Now left with the event project in church.

Also, feeling glad to have a friend back too! Although I'm quite sensitive to friendships now but having back a good old friend is still good anyway.

Accept, Give in, Live it. What's new.

Fucked up day.

1. Deprived of sleep 2. Frustrated with haircut appt 3. Quarreled with mum 4. Being rushed unreasonably 5. Rushing for time 6. Irritated by internet connection which is not working

Very sian, Very no mood.

7. Kena from someone bushuang 8. Felt very horrible when I met J 9. Felt bad for 'neglecting' her over lunch 'cause I was too into myself 10. No appetite

Totally feeling down and lousy.

-

I don't like moments when I have to cheer myself up. Who does? But sometimes...well maybe it's better. Sucks big time when you were looking forward to a day but it got screwed up.

-

Tommorrow would be better bah. Sigh sian.

Yesterday was a long & not-so-good day? Feeling tired and all plus was feeling very irritated by some things...rushy day and didn't feel good anyway either. But at least everything that was supposed to do and carry out was done, so that balances off quite abit.

What actually made my day better was that I passed my sup! :) Although I knew I would but still feels good to know the confirmed. So yup, two more weeks for me to "enjoy" haha.

Dinner with the usuals was good I guess, just that the waiting and delaying kinda "wasted" some time away. Don't know how often can we meet up like these next time but it's always good to always remain like that :)

Thank God It's Friday today! I hope I survive the day 'cause I slept for only 6 hours(horrible input), and my output for the day is 16hours! Gasp.

Sometimes it's just freaking better to do things on your own than to entrust it to others.

SERIOUSLY.

Busy, busy, very busy!

Don't like people whom despite of my good intentions and niceness, don't appreciate it and worse still take my words like nothing -.- Although you have more authority but doesn't mean what comes from me is insignificant to even take note. Disgusting.

& I also can't stand it when you want to cross the road, but the car infront is taking their own freaking sweet time to drive until the car behind is fast enough to catch up, and then you can't cross the bloody road -.- Annoying right?!?!? And worse when irritating cabs slow down soooo much 'cause they thought you gonna take a cab...zzz...hello, I would flag if I want to mah, ugh -.-

No idea when is the sup results coming out, hopefully soon 'cause school's starting in about twenty days too. Wonder who are my classmates this time.

I have a new fetish now, hehehehe!

Thumbs up for Edutorque! Another good kickstart for the course :) Sigh, very reluctant to leave what I'm doing now when school starts. I don't like the feeling of somebody else taking over my place and do what I have already did and stuffs, boohoo.

Actually I think I do have alot of "only-child" traits, lol. The only-want-it-to-be-me thing and those selectively-selfish habits. Hmm.

Well anyway, gonna be a fruitful and eventful week ahead! (Y)

Happy Birthday to my cousin! :) Got her a surprise cake and went for dinner, nothing magnificent but something significant. Life did get better with her around :)

Gonna be a busy week ahead with work! Jiayou jiayou~

Anywhere but home.

I'm so busy now till I go to other places more often than my own house -_-" First my workplace, and now my church, lol.

So tempted to have my own car after hanging out with Audrey and with her driving me around, hahaha. But need to know how to drive first (zzzzz) and $$$$$. COE just turns everyone off. Hope there'd be some economic crisis during the period when I wanna get one, haha!

April Resolutions:

1. Get a printer

2. Get a haircut

3. Complete important work

4. Cell worship

5. CC lesson

6. Cousin's birthday

7. Prepare for year 3!

Sian, i just want to put a name into my IC, but it's so troublesome. I need to get a lawyer for a legal doc man...what is this -.- Sigh, so i guess i'll just wait till i'm 21 and more free to do so. Or maybe when i get baptized before 21 then i can. Oh well.

Feel v proud of myself for completing my work way before time, teehee. Still have more to do though, so must jiayou! :)

April is here...meaning school is gonna start soon! :'(

Some bad mean nasty person made me upset this morning >:(

Yeah that's the highlight of my day, nothing much. Lol.

I think talking about the good old times are nice sometimes. When you think back of stuffs few years back and can still laugh as hard as it is now, I think that's something really memorable, lol. Those were the best times man, seriously.

Don't understand why people love to watch people running after buses btw. Don't you think it's so paiseh when people look at you when you are chasing after a bus which is about to leave? But there, staring eyes are just there. Typical singaporeans maybe.

Oh, today was not so good :( Headache made everything worse too, boohoo.

Nothing much to blog about lately. Busy with work and that's about it. Jiayou to EduTorque on the upcoming courses too! Yay :)

Let me share with you how mundane my day was like:

Rot, wait, rot, wait, rot, and wait.

Bye.

"Less gothic now, more cheerful...you look happier now." Haha.

Looking at how others get excited and interested over things, I wonder what really interests me 'cause everything is always "okay, fine, nothing much" to me, lol. Yeah I'm quite boring sometimes but I still love myself for that, hehe. I guess I just prefer snuggling at home and do my own stuffs, hahaha.

Anyway, I think I suck at ball games - like literally any ball games. To be honest I'm not a sports person so I'm not really into those physical stuff, heh. Probably it's just that "aura thingy" that covers my weak spots lol.

Suddenly feel like doing jigsaw puzzles!

Yay, I managed to kill accounts! :D I think I did well bah. And I'm glad it's over!!! Just waiting for the results now~

& One more month left to school again. Time flies.

Ready.

Hello, I'm going to pass my accounts paper tmr!!!

I think my parents are very funny. They bicker 90% of the time when conversing -_-"

One last day to chiong tmr for my paper! Will not do too much tmr, must rest and go war on friday, haha. Had been doing fine so far I guess, I just hope whatever I did will come out lol.

I think I've never spent so much time and effort on studying before, especially for a math subject. Somemore is studying with something which doesn't even interest you at all -.- Horrible terrible stuff. Sigh, hope friday faster arrives!

People take 5 months to finish studying a module, I'm here taking 5 days.

I'm pretty drained out of studying almost continuously, but no choice. Thinking back I really don't know what made me so unmotivated for accounts last sem. Although I still do not like it but at least now I am "forcing" myself to study for it. Ha, I guess sometimes in life we do need this kind of "involuntary pushes" to move us.

Revision lecture today and saw the others so sad and demoralized etc. (I think I'm abnormal, lol). Well, although I may seem fine and all but actually I do feel quite inferior sometimes lah, like hey, flunking a paper for the first time leh, who would feel like as if everything is ok right. Affects my ego sometimes 'cause I refuse to accept the fact that I'm so dumb in accounts, lol. Bu just like how I used to F9 in amath and physics, this is just another one of it. Hurhur.

Study and more studying! Piaing for sup and feeling hardworking for once over accounts lol. It's much better to have exam when other people around you are not having somehow. Reduces pressure i guess haha.

I hope time passes slower, i don't want holidays to end so soon!

Doesn't quite feel like a saturday today.

Well my morning was bad though...but well hope all's good by now for you!

Started on my sup paper alr, very tough stuff :( But as much as I can I also try not to stress myself too much on it. And regardless of what I have to pass it, so die also must pass - which is why I should be confident of myself (well, at least trying lol). And I'm glad to have someone to teach me! Hope the paper will fall in this week, wanna faster get over with it so that I won't have to spend my another weekend on it again, boohoo.

Yay, the week is over! Finally, finally.

It had been a tough one man.

Anyway, I guess I'm taking it positively for my sup paper, lol. No idea how or why but I guess I'm just sure of myself that I am going to pass it? (I have to anyway) Although for the first time ever I felt so lousy and stupid of myself over a mathematical subject. Tsk.

The "F"irst.

This week is really that bad.

Kinda expected it...guess gut feelings are usually right. But well, nothing too big...I'll just do it this time well and get over with the stupid subject that I'm so bad in.

Sighnesday.

I think this week is just awful :(

Sometimes I think I'm quite amazing...because if it were to be someone else, I don't think that fellow would be able to survive like I do. Assuring of other's well-being and at the same time settling own's. Dual efforts require so, so much man.

Can't wait for the week to be over though. Gogo, mid week already!

It's only tuesday.

A supposedly cell outing today was cancelled, ended up with a totally different day then.

A little more about myself (2):

1. I don't like to wait, neither do I like to be late (for impt stuffs) but I'm very patient.

2. I may not feel as the exact way that I may seem to be sometimes.

3. I don't try more than three times. Except games.

4. When I initiate something, that is significant - be it a person or the subject.

5. I am independent most of the time. Only most of the time.

Nothing can be worse than today.

My precious macbook screwed up at its battery area, frustrated enough. And things just didn't quite feel right and all. Imagine people raised their voice to talk to you and even dao you for god-knows-what, and getting scolded by some stupid person who thinks he's very big and all. And getting irritated by circumstances like being late and pissed off by the confusions going on. How dreadful. Probably a sian week ahead.

A little more about myself

1. I'm quite a dao person by nature, I don't really entertain. I'm only friendly to people I'm closer and comfortable with.

2. I listen more than I speak most of the time.

3. I react differently to different situations...and even people.

4. I am very picky, selective and choosy. But I can be very indecisive.

5. I don't really smile often and I don't laugh out loud most of the time. But I'm quite easily amused.

6. I am a perfectionist.

7. I think alot, but I don't contradict.

8. When I keep quiet doesn't mean I am ignorant.

9. I am very appreciative towards what I have.

10. I can't be bothered with people who don't understand me.

Yesterday was crazy cause I was so so tired the entire day. Couldn't really pay attention during cell and all.

Felt sad for those who died in the massive earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Looks like the world is really going to end soon...but I still think it won't be as soon as next year bah.

Btw, Singapore's so crowded. It turns me off whenever I wanna go out somewhere.

Life is too busy to blog now, haha.

Had a hard time getting birthday presents this evening though. One shot gotta get so many. Especially guys...difficult to buy stuffs(& the fact that i don't really know the person & i'm given a tight budget! -.-) Lol, but I managed to get something within like 45 min eventually.

It's true that I am quite dao by nature, and some days I do behave in the manner due to mood or whatever. But sometimes I'm also quite selective lah, like some people I'm almost never dao to while some I always am if I'm not really close or comfortable with. But sometimes my serious self could also be mistaken for being dao too lol. Aiya ok whatever.

I've a craving for mushroom soup!

Being human is not easy.

Hi friend, I miss you.

When it’s love

Yeah, you say them out loud

Those words, They never go away

They live on, even when we’re gone

I love ice creams. They make me happy :)

Bro Albert sabo me today at children's church!!! *rawr* Lol, made me danced infront of all the children leh omg -_-" Luckily I can adapt quick enough. But anyway also not many friends around so nvm *phew*

Daytime busy outdoors, nighttime busy indoors. Madness man, don't even have time for socialising already, hahaha. Quite a few meetups coming up soon though. I guess this holiday would be one of the bestest ever.

I think sam and marble likes me alot. Hehe!

Anyway, had a really long day! Tomorrow will be too! Mum's doing well, resting at home and all.

Work's doing good too, lots of amusing stuffs every now and then. Gotta prepare dinner once in awhile now, do housework etc etc, I'm becoming superwoman.

Very very busy life now~

Ten more days before I emo over this sem's results, lol! Oh well. If only I've already graduated.

Mum's big operation is over, smooth and successful :) First time experiencing such family concerns though. Appreciated those who cared and prayed. It tells alot about the people around you who are really there.

So yeah, very busy period! Time to train myself to being a better houselady also, lol. But I guess life now is pretty good still! Busy but at least not wasting time away~

Love all the meowmeows, I've bonded so much with them now hehehe.

Screwed up Accounts exam, lol. Really hope I won't have to retake luh, if not so sian. Shall pray hard that I will pass it, that's my happiness. And well...I guess alot of factors really play a part in determining your school life.

Anyway, I'm really glad now 'cause this sem is over, exams are over, holidays are here! Yay :)

No need to be so stressed and busy and occupied with school stuffs *smile*

Freeeeeedom~

But then again, I'm gonna be busy with stuffs like work and family. Mum's going operation so there's really alot of things I gotta do now. Time to prepare for meals! *Excited* Hehehe.

Too bad my house doesn't have a microwave oven :(

Stress :(

Giving without taking.

Understanding without explaining.

Accepting without questioning.

Embracing without speaking.

Love with no doubts about it.

7 reasons why I dislike Accountings:

1. It's freaking chim

2. Most of what we learnt are useless

3. The damn paper is 60% weightage

4. I get demoralised when I don't know how to do tutorial qns

5. There is a definite answer, means I can't based it on "makes sense answers"

6. It has nothing much to do with my life in the future

7. It gives me stress

March is coming, time really flies.

Every season has to come, and it's about the way we look at it.

March Resolutions:

1. Finish up exams

2. Work work work

3. Plan for cell activities & church ministry

4. Take care of mum & housework

5. Maybe go back Penang for awhile

6. Register "Shereen" in IC

7. Exercise

Gonna be a really busy month for me, but I guess it's also gonna be exciting 'cause I forsee myself learning about alot of things, hahaha.

My mum told me, there must be a reason for you to be like that. If so, whatever it may be, I'd take it as you don't understand me or trust me enough to talk about it. I'm still clueless about everything, it's just ridiculous. Whatever.

I guess this have become another turning point in my life;

You will probably be the first and the last.

Don't even talk about best to me now, even the term close now is...

People say sometimes some things are better left unsaid.

Maybe you chose it this way. Maybe.

I feel like as if I don't understand you anymore, familiar stranger.