I think tonight no need to sleep already, i have SO MUCH haven't study. Most painful experience ever but also a good experience of mugging for the last time.

I guess some things will always be on my mind.

Stress leh, next three days will be all papers back to back!!! & I am not even done with 2 of them! Seriously die ttm. Never felt so certain about worrying over final exams in my last year of poly life man.

Hush hush, hush hush.

Studying still sucks as much as ever. But I think I will try to enjoy and cherish my remaining school days while I still can.

You know right, because every decision comes with a cost to bear. So it is not possible for me to carry out an action without feeling a thing. Tough struggle as well~

To me, the littlest thing like a question with love would be enough to make my day.

Studying is just crappy. This week's gonna be so siong, I hope I can survive. No time to care about heart matters and other stuffs.

I am no longer the me in the past. To think that I could really promise the words I've said and deliver it across, it shows my level of seriousness and acceptance. Every wild thought pains me and every harsh truth which I know clearly in my heart hurts. Not easy to be understanding but I am trying my best to further level up to face the reality. I have to live up to my own principles and words, and let go so that no limitations, restrictions or disruptions would exist. I only want to give the best.

A form of love.

Today, I realised that understanding and accepting meant so much more. I may not be able to ignore my thoughts or feelings, but I would control my attitude and actions.

Whatever you do, be happy. Because I, would take it in.

You know right, the feeling of just forcing yourself to indulge in studying is good in a way because it makes life much much simpler...no emotional issues, only memory issues.

I think I am starting to fear staying at home alone sometimes because it causes me to think too much and all the wild thoughts start to run :(

Alright man, first paper killed me, hahahahahahaha.

Lol I'm so tired. Actually I'm not really confident because I took only a few days to try to study a whole lot of what we need to know over six months. Hahaha, whatever man! All the best to all of us for exams!

Zombiefied! Tired to the max. So emo lah, my grades all sucked. Very very bad this time round. Sigh, oh well. Today too tired until kisiao while studying in school, hahaha.

Exam fever

Getting really sleepless nights now.

Finals exams are really too heavy content and damn crappy. Lagging really behind by alot :( I really suck in memorizing man...age does matter sometimes, sigh.

Study, study and more study. For once I feel that I have been staying in school for the longest period of time ever, hahaha.

So many things are changing.

I think time is a crucial factor.

I don't like the feeling of mugging for exams. I don't like the stress coming from exam pressures. I don't like to feel like as if I'm so lagged behind. I don't like, it seriously sucks.

Back to church today after quite some time, everything still the same I guess. Felt so sleepy and all, don't know how long am I going to be like that for *sulk* And the worst part is you're sooo tired but you can't get to sleep because so many things are on your mind -.- & when you can finally get to sleep, it's already time to wake up -.-

Changes are constant. The only scary part is when things have already changed when you realise it.

So sian to be at home alone for the whole day. Boring. I have no idea how to make myself motivated when what I am studying now is like pretty much redundant :\ But my grades are stressing me even more, sigh. Jiayou jiayou~

Again, nothing else but accept.

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Last day of the semester today. Ha, doesn't feel much of a difference to me. Don't know if that is a good or bad thing -.- Actually I think I don't really make use of my school time wisely throughout all my three years, lol. And, I guess that's a full stop to my study-in-school life.

Thank goodness I'm finally o-k with my tummy today afternoon, though morning was still as bad. But despite that I'm still very zombie, very very tired due to sleeping at wee hours for the past two days...body gonna breakdown sooner or later sigh. Deprived of sleep, sobs.

Being heartless is still the ideal option, like what I always tell the others.

Yeah, how great can life get, especially when you have such a day like this. Lets see, I received like 10 grades in total according to individual components of coursework modules. Ahah, all sucked like nobody's business. Even my friends are afraid to tell me about my grades, amusing. Hmm what's new. Yes to be frank, it is far from my own personal expectations but the cruel truth is - accept it.

Alright, and my body decides to fail me today. One of the worst cramps I've ever suffered, I guess probably accumulated tiredness or stress. And fortunately or not, someone at work did not help me with a single thing. Oh yes, I was feeling so pathetic but I was too weak to even be pissed or annoyed. Maybe I was too good in covering up myself but trust me, I was dying inside. Sometimes I really wonder about some of the things I do. Again, the cruel truth is - accept it.

And then, you end off the day with people shouting at you. That's right, what a day. Oh not yet, there are still a pile of work to do before bed. Ciao.

Another depressing day, haha.

Screwed up ticketing test 3 totally, I didn't have enough time & I was spending time trying to figure out many things. That kinda feeling...really...sucks lor. I know my overall course grade and gpa will fall faster than gravity...but well...I'm choosing to look beyond and at the more positive side.

It's 1 more month to internship!

Reflection

Have been just randomly wondering about some things (actually the same reality stuffs), and I'm telling myself that I really have to...live with it. I clearly know there are bound to have occasions and moments when I really dread but still...I could only accept and deal with my own emotions.

Semester 1 is going to end soon...time really flies~

Going the extra mile

We all must learn from the past. Last year is also a past, yesterday is also a past, hours ago is still a past. To be honest, over the years I'm becoming less expressive already.

Control; efforts; appreciation; understanding; acceptance; - Always have been.

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Internship is going to be the next big thing, a new commitment, sigh. Like it or not I have to pia and live in something that I don't know why am I doing for. I am proud of my course and my poly years but sad or not, that is not where I want and like to be.

I hope I won' t age so fast according to the amount of things going on in my life, lol.

Extremely, extremely tired :(

There is just something bad or sian happening everyday. In school or at work, always. I'm so sick and sian already, sigh. Too much overwhelming emotions for me everyday.

The feeling really sucks when you are not performing and stretching your potential and capabilities because you are constrained but yet you are committed to it. Very burdensome.

The amount of stress I face is a pile of mountain and a pit of bottomless. Who can really understand? How do I feel happy?

Ha, but I am trying very hard to put up a brave front everyday. Nobody really knows how I am feeling at different moments. I am laughing about everything; grades, studies, commitments, burdens, problems, whatever else.

Very tired day, and super mundane.

Woke up very early to go to school to try and figure out how to do ticketing and see how badly I'll die for monday's test. Presentation was screwed up, don't wanna talk about it anymore. Too pissed with her, too unreasonable and ridiculous. Tutorial was just shitty as well. Very rushy day also. Not a very happy day.

Sigh, how to be happy?

Hello I'm bored.

What a boring day, when people are out there celebrating national day and expressing some love for the nation; or others out there enjoying their national day breaks and stuffs, I am doing boring activities at home like trying to catch up on a whole load of school work - at the moment trying to read up the entire fifty pages of notes over the last lesson yesterday :\ Yeah, I AM stressed. Besides, I have no idea on how am I going to start studying for exams that is less than two weeks because I haven't been knowing anything. Ha???

So thankful that this is actually my last year in poly and that school semester is ending. Goodness gracious, can't imagine how to go on when I've already lost the motivation in studying. Maybe I should have chosen diploma in business management back then, if I had known I was going into the business trade three years down the road. Oh well. Just hoping that my intern days would pass by quickly and then graduation, yay.

I'm so sad, I did so badly for my mice test, sigh. Managing expectations...

When someone is good in counselling others, it doesn't mean that the person has a seemingly perfect situation in life. Admire myself for that.

Sigh, I know I'm not going to do well for my ticketing test 3 already. Bye to expectations and As. I guess grades and gpa no longer matters now.

Sometimes I don't know if I am thinking too much or is it just that I am trying to absorb the fact :\

Going to start studying for exams after wednesday!!! I have ALOT to catch up on :(

Sian, I'm falling sick :(

My goodness, the day had finally ended. I didn't had time to even breathe -.-

I think my life is so happening that every now and then there's always some provoking or emotion-triggering moments -_-"

Sigh, this week has been bad...I think next week won't be any better as well. Sometimes I think I'm just a vulnerable person trying to put up a brave front everyday...aww :(

I better start studying for my exams really soon if not I'll just die terribly. One more project and one more presentation to go...yay man can't wait for all these crap to be over. Sian, gotta go make up class tmr...sobs.

So stress, alot of things to settle and arrange because boss not around :\ Everything better be fine tmr~

Pretty sad over my project grade yesterday actually...never show out only...as per usual. I think my life is just about not showing out my emotions sometimes -.-

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Sigh, it's amazing what love is all about.

School, sigh.

Work, sigh.

Everything else, sigh.

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August Resolution: Love.