CHEATED.

My life has been extremely depressingly exciting lately. 

Today I found out that I've been cheated for almost a year. Yeah, CHEATED for the first time in my whole 20 years of life. Wow, WHAT A LIFE REMARK.

Ok. To be honest, after my one hour of cry out, here I am in a more calm state to slowly reflect about my pathetic life. I know I'm freaking weak but I really need to cry - afterall i'm just a girl.

SO.
I USED to think I was being strong enough to keep believing and trusting in you because it wasn't easy. But I guess I'm just a fool who is oh so damn naive and didn't know what the heck was going on. Seriously stupid moron idiot retarded. There I was, fighting and working so hard but what were YOU doing out there? I felt like I was being stabbed right in my heart a thousand million times. So what's trust to me now? Can I still trust anyone? Can I still trust YOU?

I know of MANY cheating methods. You know, exam cheating; game cheating; money cheating etc. And I've got the WORST CHEATING TREATMENT - FEELINGS. Oh God, why are you so damn cruel to me please. WHY. There I was, thinking that you are not doing anything that would hurt me, I trusted you but ok, I GOT CHEATED OF MY FEELINGS. To me, this was something extremely sentimental and close to heart. Something that I would never expect you to do, something that is so impossible to happen. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW ME WELL ENOUGH TO TELL ME INSTEAD OF LYING. I was so wrong.

Lets say if it was somebody who lied to me - like maybe a stranger, or a passerby, or some random friend whom I can't really remember, or just a stupid advertiser on the streets. I WOULDN'T BOTHER. WHY HAS IT GOT TO BE YOU? WHY YOU?!?!?!?! And life is so unfair it always has to be someone who is either dear or important or close to you to do this to you. WHAT SHIT IS THIS?! I felt like my trust was taken for granted - in fact EVERYTHING taken for granted! OH MY GOODNESS, SHOULD I CRY OR BURST IN ANGER?!

Then you know what's the best part? THE STORY HASN'T END! There's a freaking part 2. Which is what? WHICH IS THE AFTERMATH. Ya, even the greatest drama or movie maker didn't produce such innovative plot of content. After I was kena cheated like a year, I thought like some efforts were made to TRULY GENUINELY try to build up the foundations of a good relationship but guess what. SURPRISE - it was actually just to MAKE UP FOR THAT GUILTY ACTS SINCE A YEAR AGO. Wow I'm totally impressed. I hate myself for being so naive.

I've heard it many many times. You heard of white lies? Of course I know, white lies are lies that are meant to be GOOD. But hey, let me tell you - a white lie is STILL A BLOODY LIE. STILL A BLOODY LIE! A STUPID LIE DOESN'T MAKE ANYONE HAPPY! What's the point of telling me it's meant to be a good intention lie. YOU LIED TO ME! YOU BROKE MY TRUST FOR YOU! IF YOU KNEW ME YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LIE NO MATTER HOW BAD THE SITUATION WAS! OMFG. And the best part? A LIE THAT YOU JOLLY WELL KNOW I CANNOT TAKE IT. Ok, talking about understanding my feelings? NO YOU NEVER DID. You could have told me anytime but you did not. It was your intention to keep it from me.

I thought you have changed from the past. Little did I know you were still the same, just using different ways to hurt me. I'm so stupid. I always thought there would be someone out there who is always real and true. Now I know, I will never ever trust anyone or give my heart to anyone anymore.

Thinking back about EVERYTHING THAT I'VE DONE AND GIVEN, I FEEL REALLY CHEATED AND DUMB. I CAN'T DESCRIBE IT MORE. ALL MY EFFORTS AND EVERYTHING I HAVE GIVEN ARE ALL WASTED.

I think I'm lost for words. Too speechless, hurt, angry and upset over everything. BYE.