Into the next decade

Let's keep on walking together

Hmmmm, so it's time for a review of my year in 2009. Well, i guess it wasn't that great lah. It was the start of poly life for me, and school life was very hectic. Projects and exams and tests and never ending work to do, so i kinda felt that life is getting busy for me already. But at least i'm glad i managed to go through all these, although there were times i was really stressed but that's just part of life isn't it? I made great friends too, although my class is pretty screwed up in some way but i'm glad at least i'm not one of them. And it's true that you'll meet all kinds of people out there, pretty obvious to me just in campus itself. So i can imagine the evil of the society outside. Hurhur.

I believe i've also learnt and grew pretty much through the year. I realised things about myself that i never knew it could be so distinct in me. I understood what i really need in different aspects of life and through my actions and words also revealed my weaknesses. I've struggled much with myself and my emotions within me, learning how to give my all without wanting any returns, how to embrace the things i couldn't change, how to accept things beyond my control, how to understand others and giving mutual respect. I found myself in many circumstances which just came passing by and became a history i made out of it. It wasn't easy to deal with situations that just happened like that, surrendering to each and every requirement and no-choice decisions. I became more direct this year as well, in a sense that i would speak out more than the past, although i felt that currently i'm back to square one. I used to express myself but due to restrictions as the year goes by, I withdrew myself pretty much again. However, I saw myself saying out my feelings for things that i have and want to, things that i desperately want others to understand what i'm trying to say and convey. Although that hardly happens but i do have a side of me that speaks fourth what's in my mind.

Because time was a great factor that revolved around me this year, it was a big hurdle for me cos i basically had to have perfect time management, prioritizing things and making sure that my time is enough and sufficient. Although i really doubt myself to make even more free time next year, i'd try my best to. Even though there are limits, i won't just stop there. Initiatives are very important. Surprisingly I see myself taking much more initiatives than i thought i would be. But more importantly, the outcome of it is more satisfying than anything else.

I've changed(or rather matured to sound nicer) in many ways, one of which is my perspective and the way i feel about various things. I learnt how to open up to what i can't accept and can't stand. It wasn't easy as well, but i know i had to deal with myself if not nothing will ever turn out well. For moments that i was doubtful, when i felt insecure, when i felt jealous, they were parts of my battle with emotions. I never knew i was someone who needed much assurance, protection, comfort and security. I also learnt not to be selfish in my thoughts too, overcoming myself emotionally through the year. To-day, I've come to not expect much of anything. My expectations have reduced to such a minimum until it is almost nothing. I don't know if that's a good thing but I know it would be better in a way. I don't want to fail myself when things doesn't happen the way i thought it would. This leads me to also begin to learn to be adaptive and flexible. Things are always changing, and we need to have the courage to face and accept it. I admit, it is painful when you're not allowed to do some things, it hurts when you see things happening but you're in no control, and it kills just simply not being able to say the things you badly want to. But all these comes down to just one point - we sacrifice because we love.

It's amazing to how i've been trying my best constantly to make balance and ensure the best of everything. I don't know how it feels when somebody always encourages you, support you and stand by you. But all i know is everytime, everyday, every moment, even if the things i say or do is repeated, i can proudly say it is all from the heart and not because it has turned into a habit or just simply for the sake of doing it. I admire my perseverance and tolerance actually. As the new year unfolds, I believe things are gonna be better. Things may be hard but i know it ain't gonna last long as long as we're willing to take the effort to commit ourselves in making things best and beautiful. Nothing can compare to the intangible joy we receive.

I am really grateful that i am loved. I appreciate every little things everyone done for me. I also appreciate all the support and the presence of my family and friends. I am thankful for the companies i have, and i am really contented and satisfied. I am most grateful for the acceptance of who i am, tolerating some of my nonsense at times, and letting me enjoy the best moments in my life which brought me pleasure, joy and happiness. I could never imagine if life were to be different. Thank you. Deep down in my heart, what is rooted stays forever, just like a film with no stop buttons and a fire that will never be extinguished.

Life is about growing up and living it to the fullest. I don't believe in the 'right time' for things. I just know that whatever it is, life goes on and we should learn from everything. Cherish the people and your moments dearly, because we'll never know when will the precious memories be the last. I live the moment, and i'll always strive to make it the most beautiful that it will forever be worth remembering.

So goodbye 2009, a new decade is here and i believe years ahead will surely be better and more fulfilling :)