okay i nearly died last night.
at least today's better, havent die yet.

mood havent got any better anyway.
yeah of course i know its normal to feel that way.
but come on, it sucks.
not that i have any rights to even talk about it,
based on the fact that im no longer your _________.
but the thought of it made my mind run wild.
maybe i can look so calm on the outside, but hey its not actually.
i know kangaroo's saying that it wont happen and all,
but you noe, even seeing a little sight of it in school changes my mood,
let alone if its at some beautiful place which i can imagine.
sigh, luckily im not gonna be there. maybe im being sensitive for once, but afterall im a girl.
girls do get jealous, especially towards the one you love.
thats love anyway.

tell me what to do. i know i wun understand, and i dont.
since you dun wana say, which is something i can fully understand,
cos basically i know you and stuffs, but well, i dont know telepathy.
you cant possibly ask me to read ppl's minds.
although sometimes i know by instincts.
i feel strongly about it, which is why i spoke up.
although we didnt tell wads on our minds, i believe we're thinking about the same things.
maybe i still dun have an idea, but it does matter, even if i dun seem like it.
and how could you possibly be happy when someone you care about is not?
yes so i do make sense in saying that its not easy to smile when youre feeling down.
i have to admit, its not that simple if youre trying to lie to a capricorn.
ruby never fails to know if something is wrong. cant hide.
what a true friend indeed. lol. gotta improve on this next time.
and kangaroo another one. even my indirect talks can reach him. amazing.

like as if i dun have enough problems in my life right now.
suddenly i feel like alot of things are popping out for no good reasons.
things like:
1. mum's trying to get me clothes for my cousin's wedding in nov, which is like alot of things gonna happen in msia, and i bet everyone's gonna ask me how have i been since they havent seen me like in one year, and alot of rumours will be going on about me having a boyfriend. i dont understand why am i the spotlight everytime i go back. maybe reason is cos im like the only teenager in the entire family there.
2. dad's apparently quite annoyed with me for smsing too much until the bill increases,
and due to his dote-ness on me he cant bear to confiscate my fone either,
and mum's putting him into a difficult spot. but that doesnt really worry me actually.
3. i gotta think of what i wana eat everyday before my mum gets irritated by my indecisiveness everytime she waits for an answer. which is also why i wonder why isnt she indecisive since shes also a libra like me.
4. and currently im quite broke, in a sense that due to holidays approaching i wun be having any pocket money, and theres still some stuffs im dying to buy. and that reminds me that im very likely to face a trouble of not having to go out and have fun after three weeks of extra lessons.
but i strongly believe my dad would be kind enough to spare me some cash this holiday.
5. thinking of moving to the new dumb holding school is already sickening,
plus having a 90 mins walk to there on the last day of school. seriously i think the school's got nothing better to do, and this week's aint gonna be fun but rather empty as majority are going to camp at aloha loyang and staying at some chalets which is a beautiful place that im attracted to somehow, just a moment ago when i was talking to elroy.
6. thinking of what might possibly happen after two weeks from now. of course im trying not to think about anything ahead, cos uh i dunno wads gonna be next. things are not supposed to be this way, and i never wanted it to be like that either. i cant deny that this feeling inside me never did change, just that all along everything had been kept inside me, not knowing if i ever had the chance to even say it someday. but still, i believe things can still be beautiful.
7. extra lessons in school, holiday homeworks yet to be done, back to tuition in dec, and some revising work to do. thinking of my f9 in physics can simply make me feel so depressed.

not that i actually worry about such stuffs,
but sometimes when you think of it, you cant get it out of your head.
especially some things thats always happen to stuck inside your mind.
okay for once i wrote out all sorts of my feelings, quite detailed here also.
blah.

anyway, hope everyone whos going to aloha loyang enjoy themselves :)

people at church says im happy-go-lucky. hahaha maybe.