Overwhelming Emotions.

I'm just a fucking nobody - why can't I drill this into my dumb head. From a somebody, now I'm just a nobody. Ownself already know clearly but why still like this???

I hate myself for being so worked up. Why? Is it because I suddenly forgot I'm just a friend? I slipped my mind and allow myself to have expectations just because I felt differently? That fucking moment when I did not hold it back...I so regretted it.

I just want to be as numb as possible to all my feelings. I want to hold them back, hold all my feelings back and inhibit them all away. Whatever happens, I can only tell myself that we are only friends and no big deal about it. Things have changed, people have changed and I better fucking tell myself not to have any fucking expectations. Cut all the fucking questions and stop all the ridiculous concern because nobody gives a fuck whether I care or not or how I feel.

However I feel, whatever I feel, it all has to be repressed. I really don't want to think about it or feel anything anymore. I fucking hate emotions and feelings now. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to fucking kill all my emotions and feelings.

I feel so fucking weak inside me.

Fuck my life, seriously.