Somewhere in between.

You knew what you have always wanted before, all along. You knew what your heart truly wants, what you really love, what really makes you happy. Don't you? 

But you're somehow always caught in between, ended up always in a don't-know state, because you are afraid to face your own feelings, own emotions. You are afraid of the rest of the things after that. This is why even until today, you are still hanging in between. You don't want to make decisions because you don't want to face them - end up you always choose to either let things be and go with the flow, you end up following what people decide and choose instead. It's really sad, why don't you be brave for yourself and go for what you really want?

For me, even through all the years, I know clearly what I want and what makes me happy. But because it did not turn out two-way, I still stayed because of how I really feel inside me. Now today, things are changing, but I still find myself knowing what I want and how I'm feeling. Sometimes I feel very stupid, very foolish, very naive. I feel so hopeless, so useless, so emotional. No matter last time or now, I face all the pain, literally in my face, I went through so much because of you. For what? At the end of the day, I knew what I was getting myself into and the end of it all. For what? Because my stupid heart tells me what I want, how I really feel. And all my life, I surrendered to my heart. 

I don't know what I've been feeling recently...not happy but not exactly sad. It seems like a kind of emotion I've never felt before. It's like always being in a daze, somewhat a kind of melancholy but I don't know if I'm feeling sad over anything, but there's nothing happy at all. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. I don't know if I'm trying to be strong, or pretending to be.